Why I play music... aka... how a kid with Asperger's learned to connect with the world... Part 1

I was recently asked one of my favorite questions: why do I play music?

 

I’ll answer that in a second, but it is funny that when talking about music with others, it usually falls into one of two categories:

 

1) Why I love music and why being a musician is awesome

 

OR

 

2) Why I hate music and why being a musician sucks

 

When talking about number one, I extol the virtues and many gifts music has given me. The stories, the emotions, the connections to other humans (more on this in a bit), the comfort I receive from hearing a familiar album, the way it allows me to process my own emotions, the way music connects me to my past (I have terrible recall for my past, so I use music as my historical checkpoints. For instance, if someone asked me what I was up to in 2003-2004, I could probably muster up a few things but it would hardly be a complete answer. But, if you asked me about the time when I was obsessed with Arcade Fire’s “Funeral,” Sun Kil Moon’s “Ghosts of the Great Highway” and Death Cab for Cutie’s “Transatlanticism,” I could run you through a huge list of connected memories from that time in my life. I know there’s more than a few of you out there who can relate.), how music saved my life and gave me a purpose when I desperately needed a reason to stop thinking about killing myself, and on and on. Music has given me everything. It’s given me so many wonderful memories. It is the reason I met the friends I have. It is the reason I met my wife It’s literally the reason I’m writing this right now.

 

Being a musician allows me to live the lifestyle that feels most natural to me. No one criticizes me anymore for having longer, messy hair or not showering every day or waking up at 10:30am or spending too much time playing guitar/singing or RANTING ABOUT RANDOM THINGS or any of the other reasons people used to think I was weird. Now, people accept those things because I’m an “artist.” It’s great.

 

BUT, when talking about number two (ha! Insert poop joke here), which is usually with other musicians, I talk about the false promises music has made to me, how the industry has changed so drastically, and for the worse, in my lifetime, how I wish I could go back in time and tell myself everything I know now, and maybe persuade my younger self to choose something else to obsessively pursue, how I wish I could separate my self-identity from music but it’s tentacles have wrapped and swallowed up most of my insides, in both a good and bad way, how thinking about my future with music makes me so hopeful-yet-depressed, and all the other reasons my fellow musicians and I usually throw out as to why we should quit music (but, ultimately, never will).

 

As I stated before, being a musician allows me to live the lifestyle that feels most natural to me. Unfortunately, that also includes lots of bad habits and has lead to a number of terrible decisions over the years. Drinking too much, drugs, ill-advised sexual adventures, deep and cyclical depression, the disintegration of relationships, the inability to stay in one place for very long, etc., etc. Music giveth and music taketh away. Everything in life always comes to balance. The higher the highs, the lower the lows, and so it goes…

 

Usually, when talking about number two (ha! Bet you didn’t think I’d say it again but now you’re thinking about poop for a second time!), it will slowly morph back into number one. I don’t know for sure whether this is because at the root of it all we really do love music unconditionally or if it’s because we are trying to justify our commitment to music and all the years/time/energy/money we have already invested in it. I’d like to say the former but I don’t know if I can say that unequivocally…

 

Which brings us back to the original premise: why do I play music?

 

As far back as I can remember (which usually goes back to about age 5-6, when I would spend all day either trying to recreate Michael Jackson’s dance moves from “Bad” in the living room or running around the backyard all day with a plastic ninja sword pretending to be Leonardo, the leader of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles…), I always felt a little different from other kids. Obviously, at that time, I was unable to articulate those feelings or thoughts in any meaningful way. When I started going to school, I remember starting to become more aware of it. So did others. But, remember, this was way before anyone was really thinking about how kids acted in a clinical way. It was either they were smart, dumb, hyperactive, disruptive, lazy, etc. and the kids who did receive any special attention were the ones who were severely learning disabled. Even our tiny town had a learning disabilities class, which is incredible (and so was the woman who ran it) given that our entire K-8 school housed maybe 400-500 students. But, any other kid that displayed “not normal” behavior was usually labeled slow, was told they had ADD (attention deficit disorder, before they added that “H” to it) and moved to the redundant class. I was also lumped into this group, at least for a bit.

 

Soon, after some additional testing and the incredible support from my mom, they concluded I should actually be taking advanced classes instead of being moved to the slower class. They landed on the fact that I was disruptive because I was bored and I didn’t understand why everyone wasn’t done with their work as quickly as I was. I’m not saying this brag, but to illustrate the beginning of my disconnect from the “normal” people around me which I’ve felt for a long time.

 

In Middle School, and especially in High School, these “outsider” type feelings really started to grow. Again, I had no way to verbalize this to anyone so they could maybe offer some suggestions or help; so, instead I retreated inward. I used to study people having conversations and try and figure out the mechanism behind it. It didn’t quite make sense to me. It was like an impossible math problem. I could talk at people but not with people. For some reason, it was hard, or almost impossible, for me to care about what anyone else was saying most of the time. Despite this, it wasn’t like I was a loner. I had plenty of friends. I was invited to parties and sleepovers and whatnot. People generally liked me. But, that was always centered around one thing: sports. Sports were my conduit and connection with others. I lived and breathed sports (Packers, Brewers and Bucks fan for life! In that order.), spent hours pouring over stats, collected massive amounts of baseball and football cards, and drew up plays in all my school notebooks. My friends and I would play sports all day, every day. Baseball season turned into Football season which turned into Basketball season which turned back in Baseball season. I could talk sports with anyone and for hours. I’m sure some people were likely sick of me talking about my beloved Green Bay Packers, and how Brett Favre was the greatest football player ever and my eternal hero (which he still is to this day). I didn’t need other hobbies or interests as sports consumed every waking moment. I was convinced I would either:

 

A) Become the starting shortstop for the Brewers

 

Or, if that didn’t work out, I’d fall back on:

 

B) Become a starting wide receiver for the Packers

 

Simple, right?

 

(I know, you’re probably wondering why I’m blathering about all this when the question was about music. Well, hold on to your butts, I’m almost there.)

 

Well, not exactly. First off, it would have been highly unlikely that a 5’7”, 120lb white kid from the sticks would be able to crack either of those major sports leagues. Not impossible per se, but not entirely possible either. Second, I had an Achilles’ tear when I was a Sophmore in High School. It wasn’t a complete tear, but it wasn’t far off. Coupled with my ongoing knee issues and my flat feet, I began to realize that sports were not likely in my future. It was a devastating blow for someone who didn’t really know much else. What would I do now? I briefly dabbled in nihilism, like a lot of High School-aged kids do, I’m sure. I had nothing left to look forward to. Things weren’t going great for ‘ol Bradley (or Brad, at the time).

 

When I stopped playing sports, suddenly most of my “friends” were no longer my friends. I wasn’t part of a group or team or anything. I had lost my connection to other people. Depression set in. Suddenly, that was my identity and I was really good at it. I started working at a factory so I had something to do after school. It was mostly mindless but passed the time and paid pretty damn well, especially for an unexperienced 16 year old in a small town. My coworkers became my new friends. Maybe this is what I’d do going forward. They all seemed to be doing OK. Until I started to see through that more and more. Some were. Some were not. Some were just as depressed as I was pretending not to be. There was a lot of drinking the nights away; and sometimes, the harder stuff would come out. I couldn’t do it anymore. I wanted something more. And still, through all that, I never felt like I fit in. Even with other depressed, aimless people, I was still the outsider. I told myself it was because I was destined for greater things, which turned out to be somewhat true. But, mostly, I just couldn’t feel any real connection to most of those around me. I didn’t know why and I didn’t know if anyone else felt like this. It was lonely.

 

It was around this time we had to take one of those stupid aptitude tests that supposedly tells you what you should be when you grow up. Most kids were already scouting out colleges at this time and I’m sure the school was trying to help them towards picking their major. (I had no path for my future, and thus, no desire to go to college. I viewed it as a waste of time. And, it would have been had I gone.) But, as is often the case with standardized personality/trait tests like that, my answers were so erratic and diametrically opposed that it could not reasonably spit out an answer as I was seemingly two separate people. There was the loud, boisterous Brad who thought speech class was the best because everyone had to shut up, give me all their attention, and listen to me talk. There was also the Brad who preferred to hole up and read Kurt Vonnegut Jr. books, play NFL 2K (or Madden when the NFL/EA killed 2K. Sega Dreamcast for life!) for hours, and hang out with my little brother in our bedroom and not interact at all with the outside world. There was the Brad who would cut class with a small group and go get high outside the Taco Bell and devour double-decker tacos like they were going out of style. But, there was also the Brad who spent his study halls alone, practicing pep band songs on his trombone. There was the Brad that thought Metallica and AC/DC were the greatest bands in the world. But, there was also the Brad who loved Tchaikovsky and Outkast with equal vigor. So, how was this stupid test supposed to know which to choose? Which was the real Brad?

 

There was always one teacher who I greatly respected, had become friends with and rarely argued with (which, is a miracle, as I rarely got along with my teachers). He sat me down and said this test doesn’t work for people like me. He said the Brad he knew would never let a damn piece of paper choose his direction in life. “What are you passionate about? What do you love to do?” he asked.

 

The only things that came to mind were reading and listening to music, but never at the same time. I don’t know how people do that. If music is on, I can’t concentrate on other things. “Aha!" he said. “Then music it is.”

 

“But how?” I asked. “I can’t sing to save my life and the only instrument I can kinda play is the trombone. I wish I could play guitar…”

 

“Then figure it out.”

 

He knew what motivated me and how much I loved to be challenged. Years before, my first foray into music was short-lived. I had saved up my lawn mowing and snow shoveling money and bought myself one of those $99 specials out of the JCPenney’s catalog. Kids over the age of 30 probably remember how awesome that fucking catalog was. It would come like two or three months before Christmas so you could start dreaming of all the stuff you couldn’t have. My sister and I would earmark dozens of its 1000 pages, hoping to get at least a few of the treasures inside. But, in this case, I could finally get it on my own. I ordered it through the mail and patiently waited for it to arrive. When it finally did, I was beside myself with excitement. I was on a path to a new world! Except, I didn’t know what to do with it. We couldn’t afford lessons and I didn’t even know how to get it in tune. Eventually, I figured out that I needed to spend another $15 on a tuner. I learned how to strum a few chords but it was much harder to play than I anticipated. Both literally, as my fingers ached, and sometimes bled, each day after only a short while, and generally as I struggled to remember where my fingers were supposed to go. I gave up after only a short while. He knew that. He knew I hated struggling at things but if someone challenged me, then I had to prove them wrong at all costs. I had to go home, pick up that damn guitar and get to work.

 

He also played guitar and would stay after school to show me some simple things to go practice. He showed me how to play a few very basic blues and folk songs. I spent hours practicing each night. Eventually, I graduated to strumming along to Bob Dylan songs. I learned how to play “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” by Poison and would host singalongs at the few parties I was still invited to. But, this all still felt like work. I wasn’t having much fun. I still sucked, still couldn’t play anything but a few basic chords, and had no idea how I would ever turn this into a career. Then, just like what had happened back in ‘92, when Brett Favre was introduced into my life after Majkowski went down during that Bengals game, as he seemingly always did, and he brought me sports as my connection to the world around me; I would be introduced to a hero who would show me a new path to connecting to people. Going forward, that connection would be music; and that hero’s name was Bruce Springsteen.

 

To give you the full experience, I’ll give you the full scene. When I was 16, my grandma was getting rid of a bunch of stuff, and one of those things was her old console sized record/8-track player. It was the kind that is about four feet long and three feet high, is all made of light colored wood and closes to be like a bar top. It was so heavy, I’m still surprised we were able to get it upstairs. The wooden monstrosity took up most of one whole wall when we finally finagled it into my (and my brother’s) bedroom. I was so excited to have my own record player but didn’t own any records myself. I started going through my mom’s collection and pulled a few to try out the player with. There was Neil Young’s “Decade” collection, Fleetwood Mac’s “Rumors” and Bruce Sprinsteen’s “Born to Run.” I had heard hits from all three artists, but never really dove into their records on the whole. Once I got the record player set up and working, I put on “Decade.” It was better than I had hoped. I loved his seemingly reckless and wild style when he played with the band and I remember the song “Helpless” really hit me hard.

 

I got ready to fire up a second album. I chose “Born to Run.” I had heard the song “Born to Run” on the radio a few times and I liked it, but thought Springsteen was mostly for the older crowd, not 16 year olds. I was so used to CD’s where the side you play is down that I put the record on upside down (B-side up). I pushed the button to start the automatic needle drop and found a spot across the room. I sat down on the floor next to my bed, back against my dresser. I closed my eyes. The Neil Young record had felt so alive and so real, I hoped this one would feel the same way. I had heard vinyl sounded different and so far it was 1 for 1 in my real life test. The needle finally touched down and made its silent loop around the outside groove, with a few cracks and pops so you knew it had found its mark. THEN… the intro to “Born to Run” kicked in (as it’s track one on side-B) with that drum fill and then that simple yet iconic guitar riff. I got shivers. By the time the vocal kicked in, I was already in another world. I couldn’t open my eyes. My heart began to beat faster. My whole body clenched up. My brain raced. What was this I was hearing? What was this I was feeling? It felt like it was all happening in slow motion, and suddenly, I was watching myself as I sat there paralyzed by the beauty and majesty of the sound coming from those old speakers. I could feel every drum fill in my stomach. Every word was perfect, every note necessary. Elation and anxiety washed over me. I searched my mind for a comparison to this moment. I tried to figure out the math behind this feeling while the physical version of me sat, eyes closed, on the floor taking in the this wondrous music. I wanted to be like him and just let this newfound glory wash over me but something was stopping me. I couldn’t stop trying to figure out what was happening. My brain kept spinning in circles and I tried to find something, anything to help me understand. I was panicked. But, looking down, that version of me was in heaven. Why don’t I get to enjoy this as he is? It wasn’t fair. I was having a meltdown and he was calm as could be. Finally, I gave up. I closed my eyes. And then something incredible happened. I slowly felt myself rejoin my physical body. In stressful moments like this, I’ve always felt a disconnect between my brain and body. But, suddenly, int that moment, they were reconnected and my brain switched off. There was no time for thoughts when this magical music is playing. For the first time in a long time, I stopped thinking. I was just being. I was just accepting. I was just being happy in a beautiful moment. It was something I had forgotten how to do.

 

“Born to Run” paused my thoughts and gave me the momentary peace of mind I had been longing for. It was the thing that used to happen when I would play sports. I could just be. I didn’t have the voices constantly chattering away as I tried to figure everything out like the world was one big math problem that I needed to solve. “Born to Run” allowed me to just be me for a while. It felt like an enormous weight had been lifted off my shoulders, if only for those four and a half minutes. It was the greatest feeling in the world. Or so I thought. But, music had an even greater gift and was just waiting for me to find it.

 

I started the song over. Partly because I needed that feeling again. And, if I’m being honest, partly because I thought there was a skip on the record in the bridge when they do the descending line just before they all pause and wait for Bruce’s famous “1, 2, 3, 4” to storm back into the final verse. There wasn’t of course but the band hits those notes so perfectly at the end of the run, that I swore it was the same one skipping, what seven times, before resolving. This time I focused all my attention on the words. By the time he said “Baby, this town rips the bones from your back. It’s a death trap…” I felt like he was singing about me, but me in the future; and, somehow he was doing it from the past. Somehow, back in 1975, he knew exactly what 16 year old Bradley would need to hear about 20 year old Bradley 30-some years later (hopefully that makes sense). I felt everything that he felt as he sang those words with all his heart. I felt like I knew him and he knew me. Maybe I wasn’t the only one who thought and felt the way I did. Maybe someone else understood my thoughts and feelings even better than I did. I finally felt like I wasn’t alone anymore. I cried as that song played for the second time. I felt like I had found my way back home after wandering aimlessly for the past year or two after losing sports. Bruce unlocked that part of my brain and my heart that allowed me to be myself again. I owe him everything for that.

 

That’s what music gave to me. It made me feel “human” in a way nothing else could. I finally felt “normal.” The more music I really listened to, the more I felt like I was part of a larger world of people who knew exactly who I was. I could learn from them. They were teaching me it was OK to be myself, no matter how fucked up I felt most of the time. And whenever I was feeling bad, they gave me a place where I could leave that at the door, put on a record, and escape; even if just for a while. I knew this was what I wanted to do. I knew I wanted to give the gift of music to others. I wanted others to feel OK about being themselves because someone else out there knew exactly what they were feeling. There’s a comfort in that. It’s why people listen to sad songs to feel better. Music gives people permission to be who they are and lets them know they are not alone. I may not know Bruce Springsteen personally, but he’s given me the best friend I’ve ever had in “Born to Run.” I thought it was my duty to pay it forward. If I could make music and help one person feel less alone and less fucked up in the world, then I’ve done my life’s work.

 

This is why I play music: to help people, especially those who’ve lost, or still haven’t found, their connection to the world around them.

 

That is what music gave to me that day so many years ago. That is what I hope to give back to others.

 

I know a lot people who have Asperger’s/Autism might feel that same disconnect I did (and still do sometimes). But, I want them to know it’s OK and they’re not broken. And, there’s a place where you can feel at peace and at home. It’s music. And maybe for some, it isn’t music. TV also does a lesser version of this for me. TV still allows me to shut my brain off for a while so I can relax a bit (Rick & Morty for life!). It doesn’t provide the same life-giving energy that music does, but everyone is different. Maybe it’s books or movies, but these stories can help us understand ourselves better than we can alone.

 

OK, so I’ve just now mentioned Asperger’s in a long post about playing music and having Asperger’s. Well, there’s lots more of that coming in part 2. You see, the whole time I’ve been feeling disconnected from the world, it was really just a product of the Asperger’s. I didn’t know it then. I don’t know how I could have. No one was really talking about it much back when I was kid. They still don’t, really. I don’t think doctors, teachers, parents, etc. are given much information on Asperger’s and what to look for in identifying it early on. I don’t know what would’ve been different, if anything, had I known sooner. I, myself, have only recently found out and started learning about it. It’s been a crazy three year journey since I started learning about it and how it affects me, but my life has already changed for the better by just knowing I have it. Just as it helps me understand myself better, it also helps those around me (like my wife, friends, etc.) understand a little better why I am the way I am. I don’t think younger Brad would have been able to do much with this information. I feel like I found out at the right time in my life.

 

I also really want to impart that I don’t think of Asperger’s as a disability in any way. In fact, it has helped me in numerous ways in the pursuit of my musical career. I’ll talk more about this in part 2 but I don’t think I’d even have gotten into music in the first place had it not been for my Asperger’s; so I definitely think of it as a blessing. I think people will start to be able to better identify Asperger’s in kids once we stop thinking about it as a negative. Now that I understand Asperger’s (and myself) better, there’s been at least a handful of times where I wish I could tell a parent that their child is likely on the spectrum. But, even the one time I brought it up (when it was even about someone else’s kid) they were quite offended by the mere suggestion. Maybe I should just not care (as I’m good at that) and just say it anyways. But I don’t want people to think it’s an insult and then never seriously consider it for their child. They should realized it can be a good thing. It is for me. As with anything in nature, there’s always a balance. So, there will always be negatives to balance out those positives but I still think I’m much better off on the whole because I have Asperger’s. But, more on that in part 2. Stay posted…

 

Things I'm outraged about right now... aka... not Peloton's stupid holiday ad...

I have a few things I’d like to get off my chest. I know, you’re thinking “How is that different that what you do most of the time?” Well, I guess imaginary you has a point. I often need to get things off my chest and into the (computer) world because somehow this makes me feel better. I’m not sure what the mechanism is as I’m not a psychologist (though I do play one on TV. OK, I don’t but I could…) but, for reasons unknown to me, typing my issues into the interwebsphere helps me move on with my life. This is my therapy, so to speak. Which is nice because this is free and I don’t have health insurance (one of the many “benefits” of being a poor musician… along with worrying about paying rent, drinking probably too much, keeping really weird hours, eating too much cottage cheese after shows… OK, maybe that last one is just me. Not sure why or how it started, but that’s my post-show ritual now. A glass of bourbon and some cottage cheese and kiwi. I’m weird, I know…) so actual therapy is not an option for me right now. As my therapists (or “the rapists” if you’re an SNL nerd like me), all you need to do is listen. Well, I guess technically you don’t even need to do that as I just put this out there and have no clue if anyone actually reads it or not. I could check the stats on Squarespace but I don’t care enough. That’s one of the nice things about having Asperger’s: I don’t have to care about a lot of things that “normal,” non-Aspy people care too much about. I feel like it’s a super power as my wife/friends/family/etc. ask me constantly about what I think about things before they say/do/post/etc it. I don’t really care what other people think about things. Yes, I’d like people to enjoy my music but it’s OK if they don’t. Doesn’t matter to me. If they can’t understand the wonderfully human and tragic-yet-hopeful nature of my storytelling, that’s a loss for them. I don’t gain or lose anything as a result. Well, maybe an album sale or stream here and there, but I don’t make music for money. I make money from music but I don’t make music for money. I’m wholly unconcerned about others’ opinion of me. It’s nice to be free from that burden of trying to be liked or trying to be something you’re not or whatever a related third thing is because things sound better in threes. But, I’ve gotten way off topic. I guess I technically haven’t even established a topic to get off of yet, so I’m still not off topic. Ha! I win…

1) Why are people so hard on Elizabeth Warren about Medicare for All but don’t give Bernie Sanders as much shit about it?

 

It’s such a double standard. Unfortunately, women know this double standard all too well. But, seriously folks, I read Bernie’s document about it on his website and he doesn’t have a solid/attainable plan to pay for it at all. His stance is the government has really low administrative costs for Medicare compared to private insurance companies so that will somehow save money by not having government subsidize those costs to the private companies. I guess. But those costs are still only a part of the total bill. The math doesn’t make sense. He then lists some random shit that “may” be options to help fund his Medicare for All plan. Like an extreme wealth tax plan (never gonna happen as rich people are more influential than poor people and won’t let this happen), lower drug costs (not gonna happen. They pill that can effectively eliminate HIV, literally a cure for AIDS, costs about $75/year in many countries but like $40,000 in America. Drug companies are not going to suddenly give up all that money…) and other things that the very rich are not just going to suddenly let happen which will take more of their money. And that is all being generous, as he couldn’t pass a bill if he wanted to as the Republicans are primed to keep the majority in the Senate anyways as half the Democratic senators are running for President. OK, it’s not half but it sure feels like it sometimes. Bernie also wants to relieve student loan debt, make college free, etc. All things that would require fundamentally changing our country and the way it runs these things. Look, he’s right. All the other first-world countries offer things like healthcare for its citizens, higher education at low-no cost, etc. in one shape or another, but America has always been about money and money and more money first and foremost. It can be good in some instances, but terrible in others. The US should not be ranked 37th in overall healthcare for its citizens. That’s awful and, frankly, unacceptable. Something does need to be done. I’m just not sure Bernie has any effective plans to make that happen.

No one has demanded a more concrete plan from Bernie like they did from Warren. And, now she’s getting angst because she stepped back and said there has to be a transition period before any Medicare for All could be put in place. And her poll numbers have slipped as a result. That’s insane. Of course there has to be a transition. It’s not as if Bernie was going to walk in on January 20th, 2021 and suddenly I’d have healthcare. That’s not how things work. Personally, I don’t think the insurance and drug companies would ever let that happen. They would literally be losing trillions of dollars. People like to have trillions of dollars, I hear. But, it’s insane that Bernie can spout whatever nonsense he wants and Warren would like to move towards one of those lofty goals and gets torn apart over it. I believe it is just because she is a woman. And I can’t believe we are still doing this to women. Think of when Hilary had the flu or whatever and everyone jumped on her like she didn’t have the toughness or health to be President. Bernie literally had a heart attack and no such claims were made. Our current President is morbidly obese, can’t form coherent sentences to save his life and apparently just recently found out that “canine” is just a fancy word for “dog,” and not much is made about his unfitness to be President. It’s stupid we’re still doing this to women so blatantly in 2019. C’mon people, we should be better than this.

2) Happy Saint Nicholas’ Day!

 

Congratulations if you know what the hell I’m talking about since I usually get blank stares when I say it. The tradition is alive in the Wik household as I woke up to fresh baked cookies and other small treats in my stocking. But, apparently, at least according to Wikipedia, if you didn’t grow up with a strong German, Polish and/or Belgian influence in the cities of Milwaukee, Wisconsin; Evansville, Indiana; Cincinnati, Ohio; Fredericksburg, Texas; Newport News, Virginia; St. Louis; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, then you do have a pretty good excuse in having never heard of this holiday. I do love little treats and snacks so I enjoy this day a lot. I forget every year until it’s the morning of December 6th, but still. Sorry to all those who did not get something delicious to celebrate the occasion. I will have one of these delicious snickerdoodle sugar cookies while thinking of you.

3) Why do people choose such stupid shit to get all pissed off about when there are literally hundreds of things that would warrant such vitriol, angst, outrage, etc.?

 

That stupid Peloton commercial was just on whatever generic Hallmark movie is on TV and it got me thinking “Why on Earth are people so outraged about a stupid TV ad?” It’s permeated my newsfeeds (both Apple and Google news) and I had to click on it to see why people would give a shit about a boring, weird and ultimately stupid commercial for a $2500 stationary bike. Apparently, people think it’s sexist since the husband gave his already a model wife a bike (which implies she should lose weight). They also think it perpetuates a stereotypical model of beauty which shouldn’t be idealized. And they’re mad because the model was already fit so how did becoming slightly more fit “change her life?” Look, it’s a dumb commercial. We can all agree on that. But, Peloton is selling a lifestyle/status symbol that is 100% intended for the wealthier types out there. I’ve heard people brag about how many different Peloton products they’ve bought. Which, to be fair, I would probably get one if I had lots of expendable income too. But I don’t, so I use the free bikes down in my apartment complex workout room.

Look, nobody likes to get outraged about nonsensical things more than me (see: almost all my previous blogs. Though most of that is in jest...) and I understand what the complaints are getting at, but who cares? Seriously. We are currently in the process of possibly impeaching our President, who is clearly unfit to serve in so many different ways and is being mocked openly by other world leaders, global warming is pretty much past the point of no return and Manhattan might soon turn into the land under the sea, Puerto Rico is still in a horrible state from the hurricanes, North Korea is offering vague threats about bombing us and are close to having the technology to do so, Iran is now making nukes since the U.S. pulled out of the Iran nuclear deal, we have a growing disparity between the rich and poor in our country, ungodly-wealthy companies like Facebook, Google, FedEx, Amazon, etc. don’t pay taxes despite billions in revenue (and, in fact, some even get refunds in the hundreds of millions of dollars, which is absurd), millions of kids are going to bed hungry every night in the U.S., women here and all over the world are still marginalized/oppressed/not allowed to attend school/forced into marriages/forced to hike miles and miles to fetch clean water/unable to get abortions in some states here at home/at risk for sexual assault whenever they walk down the street, go to college, get into an Uber, the list goes on and on…, racism is still alive and well, in fact, getting worse not better, there were 97 school shootings last year alone and our government has done nothing to keep guns away from anyone who wants one and would like to injure/murder others (see this quote: "It is sobering that in 2017, there were 144 police officers who died in the line of duty and about 1,000 active-duty military throughout the world who died, whereas 2,462 school-age children were killed by firearms," said Charles Hennekens, the study's lead author from Florida Atlantic University's Schmidt College of Medicine.), our V.A. healthcare system is ridiculously broken with wait times of up to three months for care, and it is woefully unprepared to help with the mental health challenges of returning to civilian life leading to veterans being twice as likely (or more, depending on which study you read) to commit suicide as a non-veteran, which is horrible considering what they and they’re families have given up in order to serve our country, our electoral college system is so antiquated/insane that someone can lose by five million votes and still be overwhelmingly be elected to our nation’s highest seat rendering millions of peoples' votes useless, not to mention that Ellen recently went to a football game with former President George W. Bush...

OK, obviously that last one was another example of ridiculous things people get outraged about for no fucking reason. And that list above is just what’s off the top of my head as I write this. I could make an entire list just containing the shitty/absurd things that are still done to women and minorities in 2019 in the United States of America for some insane reason. Look, I don’t like to live my life outraged and angry. I spent an entire year doing that (OK, it was 4 years, aka High School) being angry about: George W. Bush becoming President because of the aforementioned antiquated/insane way we elect our leaders, a small town in Wisconsin still being actively racist against its few minority students and the school doing essentially nothing about the confederate flag waving and hate spewing students it housed, everything that had to do with Dick Cheney, including his shooting a guy in the face and the victim apologizing to him, the ridiculous war in Iraq, amongst other things like the general shittiness of High School and High School-aged people (Kristen Bell has a fantastic show on Disney+ called “Encore!” where a High School Drama club re-performs a musical they did like 20 years ago. Intentionally or unintentionally, it shows just how stupid High School was as they dredge up the past. It’s both heartening to see how some people have matured and disheartening to see how some have not…). It was awful. So, I’m not saying we should live our day to day outraged about the things I listed above. That would be a terrible society to live in. But, what I am saying, is that maybe before you get outraged and feel the need to post online about it, usually joining in an already growing chorus of indignation, maybe think to yourself: is this really something I should be this mad about? Is this more important than any of the things listed above or the hundreds of other actual tragedies occurring right now in the world? Is it?

Anyways, I’ve rambled enough for now…

(dictated but not read)

Saturday Night was awesome, today is not... aka... (hopefully not) an impending Meniere's attack...

Special thanks to all those who came out and listened on Saturday! It was a last minute deal and I’m very appreciative for all the rapt attention, laughter at my (very random and sometimes nonsensical) jokes and for all the support I’ve received in the Davidson/Cornelius area since moving to North Carolina back in August, which seems like forever ago at this point (in a good way!).

But, for those of you new to the blog, I, unfortunately, have Meniere’s Disease; which is an inner-ear disorder affecting hearing, vision and balance amongst other things. And, even more unfortunately, my non-Meniere’s ear, my left ear, is having some sort of issue which is making it hard for me to do things today. I’m hoping I don’t suddenly have Meniere’s in both ears, which would truly suck. But, it is currently difficult to continue looking at a computer and writing, so I’m going to sign off early as I really just wanted to thank those who came out Saturday and then go try not to freak out about my ear. Ears are important to musicians, I hear. At least I do when I’m not having issues like today…

If you want to know what Meniere’s does to me, READ THIS BLOG POST about my last attack back in August. Needless to say, it fucking sucks. It starts with minor hearing loss (makes everything sound dulled), slowly moves towards more advanced hearing loss, then affects my vision, balance and finishes by leaving me bedridden, nauseous and unable to move due to vertigo while the rest of the room gets to spin round and round like a ferris wheel… Not my idea of fun…

Also, for those of you new to the blog, scroll down to the next post (or click the blog post labeled “Genesis (the band), Hallmark Movies and NewsRadio... aka... this may be my life's work...”) to see Bradley’s normal level of random, silly ranting about things he (and likely only he) thinks are of great importance…

(dictated but not read)

Genesis (the band), Hallmark Movies and NewsRadio... aka... this may be my life's work...

OK, so it’s been a strange week. Not good, not bad, just strange. Sometimes I feel like I’m floating in one of those salt baths and I’m losing my sense of self (in addition to all my actual senses). I get a little panicky as I’m beginning to lose spacial awareness and what direction is what. The lack of time is the hardest. As someone with Asperger’s, time is of the utmost importance to me. Maybe that’s just me and the way my Asperger’s manifests but I have a borderline panic attack if I think I’m going to be late for something. I’m ridiculously good at time management and planning (unless I’m doing something creative like writing a song, recording, etc. then I might miss a whole day. BUT, I also usually account for that in my schedule, so I guess I’m not really off schedule even then). But, these days I don’t feel a particular connection to time and I don’t know how to react to it. I think the time thing is heavily related to routines (which most on the spectrum desperately need) and it could be that lack of routines that is throwing me off. Who knows? But the only routines I currently have are waking up and making coffee, and eating cottage cheese after playing a show. Still not sure how that second one came about but it’s a routine which means I need to do it regardless of how weird it sounds. It all feels… not good, not bad, just strange…

All of which is to preface that I have three very weird, very divergent topics for you this week. These are some of the core tenets of Bradley Wik which he will take to his grave. Not sure why I went third-person there, but apart from my belief in things like gravity, cheese being the greatest food on Earth, the moon landing in 1969 being a hoax, 1975 being the greatest year for music ever (Springsteen’s “Born to Run,” Dylan’s “Blood on the Tracks" and Neil Young’s “Tonight’s the Night” all came out that year; all of which are in my top 5 albums of all-time), and the Sony MDR-7506’s being the greatest deal in headphones ever (still only $99, lightweight for longer sessions and super accurate. Sure, the sound isolation during recording doesn’t match some other brands like the Sennheiser HD280’s, but those also weigh like twice as much. Not fun for a 14 hour session…); the following are three things I will work tirelessly to promote to anyone within earshot. My voice will be heard. While I’m alive, I’ll make tiny changes to Earth (rest in your much deserved peace, Scott Hutchison…) starting with these three.

So, here we go…

1) “Who Dunnit?” by Genesis

“Who Dunnit?” is the best bad song ever, and it’s my goal to make everyone around me listen to it and love it like it was their own child… OK, well, at least think it’s funny enough to make others listen to it. Sort of like a virus I’m trying to spread to the world. Wait, that sounds bad. Scratch that. More like three and a half minutes of pure joy that needs to be experienced at least once in your life. And then experienced again. And again. And again once you officially can’t get it out of your head and you find yourself making a reference to it when you’re hanging out with your friends and then you have to explain to them why you keep saying “We know” or “We don’t know” like that and you get sort of embarrassed but then you have to show them so they at least don’t think you’re an insane person and then after listening to “Who Dunnit?” they all look at you like a crazy person anyways but then later that week they find themselves humming something they can’t get out of their head and can only remember the words “Was it you or was it me?” which makes it hard to google so they text you and ask what the hell was that song you played for them last weekend and you sheepishly text back “Who Dunnit?” by Genesis and they’re like “Genesis? Is that the same as Phil Collins? My mom loves Phil Collins” and you’re like “Genesis is fucking awesome and no, they’re different, not completely but either way they’re still way better with Collins than Gabriel” and your friend shoots back “What the hell are you talking about?” and you get all fired up and send over Spotify links to “Invisible Touch,” “Abacab,” “Genesis” and “We Can’t Dance” and tell them to stop everything they’re doing and listen to these NOW and they send back “I’m at work, idiot” and you text back “We know, we know, we know, we know, we know, we don’t know, we don’t know, we all know we don’t know, we all know we don’t know…” and suddenly everything in the world feels right… Good times…

2) Just put water in the damn cups! (especially you, Hallmark…)

In movies and TV, characters are constantly getting and drinking coffee. It gives them something to do and makes it seem more realistic as opposed to just standing around spouting dialogue to move a story forward. I get it. BUT, they always use empty coffee cups and it drives me nuts as the actors are unable to make it seem like there’s anything in the cups ever. It looks so ridiculous to see them flail about with a recently obtained cup of joe or trying to simulate drinking while only sucking air or carry the cups in unrealistic ways that would dump that hot java all over themselves or others. This is insane. I get it. Actors don’t want to drink coffee take after take or risk spilling it which would slow down production. That makes sense to me. BUT, would filling the cups halfway (or less) with water really cause that many issues? Especially for scenes where they have to pretend to actually drink and swallow the invisible coffee. Taking a sip of water makes it easier on everyone including lubricating those overworked vocals chords during takes.

The worst culprit of this is Hallmark. Most of their movies are centered around Christmas and therefore wintertime, so people are always grabbing coffee, hot chocolate, etc. They are often on the go and/or coming into a room with it, then faking a drink so they can set it down and move on with the scene. Given the already likelihood that if the actor hits the mark and says the line mostly intact they’re moving on, they are unlikely to give a shit if the actor convincingly conveyed the simple human act of drinking well or not. We know they have to make like 100 or so movies a year, so time is of the essence. Take, for example, Hallmark’s made up cafe name in one of their movies (I forget which one. But, maybe you know it. It’s the one where the busy girl who lives the exciting but unfulfilling life in the big city returns home, runs into a former boyfriend, initially doesn’t like him, shenanigans ensue, they end up having to spend time together to save the city or some bullshit, they fall back in love after she falls from a ladder trying to decorate a tree, and she gives up her job to move back home. You know the one I’m talking about, right?). They called it the “Kris Kringle Kafe.” No joke. The KKK… Nice job. They even made a fake sign for the building and no one said anything.

But, given that Hallmark is on such a time crunch to begin with and doesn’t always employ the best actors (though if Lacey Chabert can’t pretend to drink from an empty cup convincingly, who can?), they always have the most glaring examples of this. Gilmore Girls also had me screaming at the screen quite often but you don’t want to miss jokes so you tend to rant less during the episodes. With Hallmark movies, that’s not an issue. There’s plenty of time to scream “JUST PUT WATER IN THE CUP!” at the screen and not be worried about missing key bits of dialogue given almost every movie follows the format above.

Like I said, I understand the reasons against putting any liquid in the cups. The last thing an actor needs is another thing to worry about like spilling water on themselves when they have to remember all that wonderfully intricate dialogue while walking to a spot marked off on the floor, but I think they can manage. For the record, I really put bourbon in my glass and took actual drinks of beer when making MY MUSIC VIDEO FOR “LOOKIN’ AT LUCKEY.” You know why? Because I’m method, man. Not to be confused with Method Man who is way more awesome than I’ll ever be…

3) Why is NewsRadio not a more popular show?

This has confounded me for years; especially since my mom got me the complete DVD set, which was on clearance somewhere since no one was buying it. She had remembered me loving reruns of “NewsRadio” from who knows how many years ago and surprised me with it. It’s one of my favorite and most unexpected gifts ever. But, since owning it and re-watching every episode countless times, I have come to the conclusion that either:

A) No one knows this show exists

or

B) People are stupid

Every time I hear someone extol the virtues and genius of “Arrested Development,” I think of this show. No, they are not the same type of show exactly, but they have a similar feel. They’re both witty, silly, outrageous, well-written, well-acted, ensemble type shows. My favorite thing in the world is when someone can pull off stupid and clever at the same time. It’s incredibly hard to do. Tina Fey can do it. Will Ferrell can do it. Seth MacFarlane can do it. “Seinfeld” did it. “Arrested Development” did it. “NewsRadio” did it. There’s probably a few I’m missing, but my point is the list isn’t long and “NewsRadio” should be required watching. It’s like the better version of “Parks and Rec.” “NewsRadio” is zany (see: Matthew and Bill), full of lovable, idiosyncratic characters (see: Dave, Joe and Beth) and is incredibly well-acted (see: Jimmy James, Catherine and Lisa). The Outer Space and Titanic episodes are brilliant one-off episodes that show the wit (and nerdiness) of the writing. There are too many quotable lines that are waiting to be unleashed on the public (and they are waiting, trust me. No one laughs and then I have to explain what I’m referencing and then I get the dead eyes stare of someone who has no clue what show I’m talking about. Sometimes, I’ll get the “is that a Netflix show?” and then the “really?” when I say it was on NBC during the same time period as “Seinfeld” and “Friends”).

I also have no clue why this show has not been on Netflix or Hulu or Amazon. It was briefly (it may still be) on Crackle but even then was only 2-3 seasons, and no one fucking watches Crackle. If there was justice in the world, “NewsRadio” would be popping up on the recommendations for everyone who has watched “Seinfeld,” “30 Rock,” “Parks and Rec,” “Arrested Development,” “The Larry Sanders Show,” hell, even “The Office” (original or American, though it’s probably closer to the American series, just much funnier). I’ve never met a single person who said they watched it and didn’t like it or think it was funny. Then again, I’ve only ever met one other person who is sure they’ve seen it (I’ve gotten a few “I think I remember that show…” which clearly means they do not), so that stat is a bit indeterminate at this point.

To illustrate how forgotten this show has become, this is literally a line from the “NewsRadio” Wikipedia page: “In the United States, the show occasionally airs as a filler on WGN America.” Seriously?! Fucking filler on WGN?! The problems that are facing our great nation are, well, great, but this may be the most important issue of our generation. How have we allowed this show and its’ greatness to be forgotten, shoved aside and buried as “filler on WGN?” When a great injustice is happening, someone has to (argh, I hate this fucking cliche…) speak truth to power (I guess I could’ve changed the wording but I think I just wanted to add how much I hate it when people say “speak truth to power” instead of using literally any other way of describing that idea) and get it out into the world so we can band together and right an egregious wrong. If I have to be that person, I’m willing to take on that responsibility and be the face of the “NewsRadio” movement. Just as Jimmy once ran for president (so he could meet woman), I too, will lead this charge (so I can become more popular and sell more records) for the American people. I guess for all people. Dave Foley is from Canada so there’s probably more fans of this show up there. Who knows… All I know is there are not enough people watching this show, and I, Bradley Wik, am taking a stand against “NewsRadio” remaining a lost gem with a small following. This show deserves a renaissance like “Friends” (though I still don’t know why “Friends” has made such a comeback. It wasn’t that good in the 90’s and it’s still not that good now…) and I’m willing to be the first to fight for that. Join me and make “NewsRadio” the new hipster-anti-hipster-or-millennial-or-whatever-“cool”-kids-are-these-days show so it can finally get its’ due.

Thank you. I endorse this message.

(dictated but not read)

When Bradley's down, he turns to music... aka... this is what I do several times a week...

I’m in a weird mood tonight. I was watching the live “Little Mermaid” thing on ABC but they’re just showing the movie and having people sing the songs. It’s weird to flip back and forth between animated and one voice to live and a different voice. Plus, it turns out, I don’t really remember “The Little Mermaid” very much at all so I got bored. But, it’s been a weird week for me in total. I’m itching to have as many shows as possible lined up so I can A) give myself something to look forward to, B) have a release for some pent up anger/sadness and, of course, C) make some money. But, I have a brief lull so I’m stuck with myself for a bit, which is never a good thing. The Boss wrote about it in his book if you want to get into that fear of self even more but I’m going for a pick me up. So, now I’m in the mood for some music. Let’s see what we got this week…

1) The B-52’s - “Private Idaho”

Man, did a lot of great bands come from Athens. And these guys and gals are definitely one of my favorite. I love their energy, their vision for this band, their uniqueness, and, of course, their tunes. They just look like they’re having so much fucking fun all the time. I want to have that much fun on stage sometime. I think I need to get weirder and more… I don’t know what. But, I can tell you I’ve had plenty of one man dance parties to the B-52’s over the years, which, I think is a trend likely to continue. This isn’t my favorite of their tunes but I do love the video and I just saw a commercial for french fries which got me thinking of Idaho. So, that’s probably how we ended up here to begin our musical journey. 

2) Talking Heads - “Take Me to the River” 

I can never get enough of “Stop Making Sense,” the big suit and Mr. Byrne and co. This is another thing that always brings a smile to my face. As does THIS VIDEO OF BRIANNE DOING THE BIG SUIT (at around 3:30 in the video) which is the moment I realized I’m a terrible/awesome influence on people. But Mr. Byrne is unabashedly one of the most creative, wondrous, thoughtful and thought-provoking artists we have. I can’t tell you how often I cue up “More Songs About Buildings and Food” on the turntable. It always takes me to a different world for those 40 or so minutes. That’s what I always look for in a record. The earliest examples of that happening for me was with Meatloaf’s “Bat Out of Hell” and Metallica’s “Black” album. As I’ve mentioned many times before, the greatest example of this, however, is the moment the needle touched down on “Born to Run” which I had accidentally put side B on first so the first tune that came majestically blasting out of the speakers on my grandma’s old console record player was “Born to Run” itself. Which, (cue Rob Lowe voice) literally changed my entire life. It’s my “hold your fire, there's no life forms aboard” kickoff to the whole Star Wars adventure moment. If you don’t know what that means, WATCH THIS AND LEARN.

3) Vanessa Carlton - “White Houses”

Stupid fucking YouTube ads. I don’t give a shit about Grammerly (though I’m sure many of you are shouting at me to be more succinct, less rambly, less erratic, less using of commas to string thoughts together with utter disregard to tenants of good writing…). This song strangely takes me back to a time in my life I’d rather not think about but somehow feels comforting at the same time. I guess that’s what music is for: making us feel OK about ourselves. These lyrics just hit the right notes for my soul:

Stay up too late, and I'm too thin
We promise each other it's til the end
Now we're spinning empty bottles
It's the five of us
With pretty eyed boys girls die to trust
I can't resist the day
No, I can't resist the day

Jenny screams out and it's no pose
Cause when she dances she goes and goes
And beer through the nose on an inside joke
And I'm so excited, I haven't spoken
And she's so pretty, and she's so sure
Maybe I'm more clever than a girl like her
The summer's all in bloom
The summer is ending soon

It's alright and it's nice not to be so alone
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses

There’s something so familiar and warm/fuzzy feeling about Vanessa’s songs. I don’t know what it is and why I’m so drawn to it. But Christian James Hand (a fellow Asperger’s) also stated his love for this tune on his amazing podcast “Man vs. Radio” at one point so maybe there’s something there too. I also generally prefer female singers to male as it just sounds more “right” to me. I don’t know why that is either. But, anyways…

4) Lisa Loeb - “Stay (I Missed You)”

This was fucking 25 years ago… How old does that make you feel? But, somehow this came out the same years as this…

5) All-4-One - “I Swear”

Which seems like it was a hundred fucking years ago at this point. Middle school slow dances, anyone? Which is weird because this song was already 5 or 6 years old then but apparently Wisconsin is a bit behind the times in a lot of ways. It’s weird, I clicked on this song as a joke but had to listen to it in its’ entirety. It still grooves. Those guys could sing the skin off an apple, if that was a saying that I didn’t just make up right now. But, it’s true, I think. Strange memory just came back to me though. My sister bought this cassette and was kind enough to make me a copy and it became my after-dinner-chores listening music for months. I’d pop my Walkman on and vacuum, dry dishes, etc. while these guys sang that skin off that apple. It’s weird to remember going up and down the stairs with a Dirt Devil while singing along to “I Swear” probably annoying the shit out of everyone else not living in that world for those 4 minutes… Ah, good times…

6) George Michael - “Freedom”

OK, so full disclosure, I wasn’t actually thinking of this song as much as I was thinking ABOUT THIS. Shit is fucking ridiculous and brings a great big smile to my face, which I could use right now. Anna Faris fucking kills in the next scene too. Maybe I’ll watch “Keanu” later. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea, but for now, we go a couple more tunes to play.

(As a sidenote, poor YouTube has no fucking clue how to recommend songs/videos for me anymore. I’ve been too random over the years and my brain already doesn’t work linearly to begin with. Thank you Asperger’s! But, this is the same problem with Spotify and Netflix. Though Netflix is mainly confused by how fucking polar opposite my wife and I’s watching patterns are. I don’t know how to set up an alternate profile or whatever so Netflix always gives us the recommendations no one wants since it can’t figure it out.)

7) Sam Cooke - “Another Saturday Night”

Fucking Grammerly. Go the fuck away. Goddammit! YouTube, you suck… OK, sorry. I goddamn love this man’s voice. I could listen to him sing forever. Such a talented man. Heard he was a big asshole but who isn’t who is this talented? I am definitely putting this on the set once I get a band back together (which is soon, hopefully). Just a great singalong tune that’s so brilliant in its simplicity.

8) Chumbawamba - “Tubthumping”

You can’t not have a smile on your face when this song is on. Well, at least I can’t. I know many people find it annoying as hell but I fucking love it. “Pissing the night away” as a refrain type thing? Amazing. It’s pure fun and just makes me want to crush a beer and do some shots like I’m fucking 22 again. This is one of the songs that remind me of the good times, maybe not the better times, but definitely the good times. Good times… Which brings me to the greatest drinking song in the history of mankind (which makes it the greatest drinking song of all-time unless some other animal throughout history somehow learned how to make alcohol which seems unlikely so I’m going with greatest drinking song of all-time…)…

9) Dexys Midnight Runners “Come On Eileen”

Goddammit Grammerly! I’m never using you ever you music interrupting piece of shit! AHHHHHH!

But, this is in my top 10 songs of all-time which, I know, seems strange but it’s true. Is it “Bold as Love” or “Born to Run?” No, but it’s definitely in the next tier for me. It instantly takes me to a happy place that I never want to leave. Tell me singing along with a roomful of strangers while pounding the bar or your table during that breakdown isn’t the most fun you’ve had in a while… It absolutely is when it happens. If I ever own a bar, I’d play this song at midnight every night and it would be required of everyone to sing along and pound the bar and have that experience so they can pass it along to their friends. I miss New York…

(dictated but not read) 

Dexys Midnight Runners... Glorious...

What do Women's Olympic Figure Skating, The Great British Bake Off, Meatloaf and my Music Video have in common? aka... just me and my Asperger's...

OK, so last week I promised a full-on Asperger’s mind journey, and that’s just what you’re gonna get this week. For those who don’t know, I have Asperger’s which is basically means I’m high-functioning with low-level Autism. Because I’m lower on the spectrum, the symptoms aren’t quite as obvious to others (or myself, for years) but they’re mostly all still there in their various shapes and ways they rear their ugly heads. Like repetitive behavior (like how I eat the same thing for lunch every day: two eggs, shredded chicken, spinach and salsa verde evenly divided between three corn tortillas with tortilla chips on the side. Or how after a show, I always come home and have a glass, or two, of bourbon and big scoop of cottage cheese. Weird, I know but that’s what I have to do), obsessive/repetitive interests (how late at night, before going to bed, I need my fix of Rick & Morty despite having played through all the episodes at least 12 times, with some episodes nearing 50 views or how I once listened to nothing but Open Mike Eagle’s “VERY MUCH MONEY” for almost a month. Luckily, no one had to share a car with me on any road trips that month…) and difficulties with social interaction/non-verbal communication (how small talk is extremely difficult, but if you wanted to, say, MAKE LISTS OF UNIMPORTANT THINGS or hear me rant about how much I hate plastic and the oil industry or hear a profanity-laced rant about HOW FIGURE SKATER MEDVEDEVA GOT SCREWED OUT OF A GOLD MEDAL AT THE LAST WINTER OLYMPICS, yes, I’m still pissed about that; all of those would be easy for me). All of which is to say, I’m wildly off topic and we haven’t even started… So, we might as well get going…

1) The Great British Bake Off - Season 10 - Why does Paul Hollywood hate Steph so much?

 

I know, you’re like “what?” Bradley likes baking shows? Well, kind of. I like this one (especially since the reboot with Richmond from IT Crowd, or whatever his real name is) and the holiday ones that are coming up soon. But that aside, Paul continually tries to put Steph in the middle to possibly going home range but she’s won star baker like 4-5 times this year, including a three in a row run in the middle of the season. Why is he looking to boot her out? He even snubbed her a handshake, which is a big deal for those who don’t watch, happens only 1-2 times per year for doing really fantastically well, then had what appeared to be a make-up handshake the next week and gave out a second right after to make it not seem as important. Seems like he was told by the producers he had to, so he did another to water it down. I’ve never like Paul but I especially don’t after this season. Why can’t Steph just be awesome and kick ass this season? Why is he trying to poo-poo her as the clear front-runner? I don’t get it but it’s been bothering me so I’ve been bringing it up unprompted as much as possible to try and uncover the answer to this riddle.

2) Why isn’t Meatloaf more revered as an artist?

 

In his heyday, he was essentially a mix of Elton John and Bruce Springsteen. I mean, come the fuck on WITH HOW AWESOME THIS SHIT IS. What a voice. I love every minute of this. I actually just had to stop writing so I could just sit and watch this in its’ entirety (for like the thousandth time…). Though it is a kinda bullshit that they replaced the actual singer for an actor for the video because she was “prettier” but that’s for another rant. And he had some other huge hits as well. Sure, his reign at the top was short-lived compared to his peers and most people my age remember him for either Fight Club or as the bouncer in Wayne’s World. And that’s fair, he was awesome in both of those. But artists that burned this bright, for however long they did, should be celebrated. Maybe I’m wrong but most of the time when I bring up Meatloaf I get scoffs or blank stares. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s like Peter Frampton, you had to be there. And if you were, you bought the record and the T-shirt, but if you weren’t, they didn’t stand the test of time for one reason or another.

3) World Series - Why did everyone assume the Astros would roll over the Nationals?

 

Look, this series isn’t over, though it could be tonight, but I was astounded to see how heavily favored the Astros were. The Nats proved they can hit anyone, have high-level pitching and ran through the National League (including my Brewers in the Wild Card game). Juan Soto is already a star who looks like he got Ted Williams plate discipline (at times), David Ortiz’s knack for big hits in big games, and a swing like Ken Griffey Jr.’s. (OK, it doesn’t really look like that, but the ball jumps off his bat in a similar way and I can tell the kid is having fun like Jr. did). And the Nats have a big 3 when it comes to pitch, same as the Astros. I still think the Astros will win the Series but I always assumed it to go 6 or 7, where the more talented team wins out. Still fucking weird that a home team hasn’t won a game yet.. And, props to the Nats fans for their “reception” of Trump. There’s a reason he rarely ventures out into the public in the D.C. area…

4) It’s Almost Halloween so… The Music Video for “Let’s Go Out Tonight” is back in season!

 

Man, that was fun to make. I know, the Michael Jackson references may seem weird these days, but we shot this just before the new doc came out. I’m not trying to state my preference one way or another, just trying to honor one of my favorite artists and their impact on me as an artist. That aside, my favorite memories of this video shoot:

• How excited I was when the amazing director/writer Kevin Pietila came up with this zombie theme for a song about two people trying to figure it out in a relationship. I was an immediate “yes” and so excited to do something I could have never thought of myself.
  
  
• Digging the grave (my own grave, as it were) was way fucking harder than it should have been due to the stupid clay/rocky soil in the Northwest. It was fun though and I don’t think a Coors ever tasted so good than after 4-5 hours of digging/picking that damn ground.
  
  
• 2+ hours into and over an hour to get out of the makeup wasn’t my favorite but it was fun to watch the awesome makeup artists do their art on me and the others. I love to watch passionate people do their thing and I got an up close and personal view of that during this process.
  
  
• I felt I did a pretty fucking good zombie in this video, raising the number of my acting skills to 3: looking sad/confused/bereft of emotion (aka my picture face. Check out the intro to the “LOOKIN’ AT LUCKEY” MUSIC VIDEO when “Luckey” walks in to see what I’m referring to), leading an unplugged/pretend band in videos (though we actually did finally play a show together last year) and being a zombie.
   
• How people generously let us use their house and land to film all through the night. I’m sure people had other things to do from 6pm-7am but we’re so grateful for their awesomeness and support.
  
  
• Finally, how when I finally crawled into the grave, had the dirt shoveled on top of me, was literally buried underground and got ready to shoot the coming out of the grave scene, of course, the generator went down; so no lights, smoke, etc. Because it looked good, we decided I should stay underground to save time so we didn’t have to restage it. Unfortunately, it took what I thought was an hour (probably more like 15 minutes) to get everything back ready to shoot. But, worth it.
  
  

Anyways, I have other things to do, so I’ll leave it there.

(dictated but not read)

Thank you Evening Muse! aka... it's been a crazy two months...

What a great night at the Evening Muse! Thanks to that whole crew: Don, for having me out, Erik, for the humor and keeping things together, Normal Dennis, for how awesome it always sounds and his fantastically surreal sense of humor. Thanks to all those who came out, listened, laughed at my (mostly) funny jokes and cheered/clapped at my awesome tunes and performance (special thanks to Dave and Stephanie!). It was a fantastic night and a crazy fucking awesome way to cap a crazy fucking couple of months here in the Charlotte area. It’s very heartening to think of how much has been accomplished in the two-plus months I’ve been here, and playing the Evening Muse, which was tops on my list of places to play before I moved here, is the perfect way to cap a crazy (and amazing) season of my life. I feel very blessed and will continue to bust ass to bring my music to the greater Carolina area and beyond. If you weren’t there, I’m sure I’ll see you soon, but you missed out. Sorry…

I know this feels like a pretty generic type of blog post, but the World Series is on and mostly I just wanted to express gratitude, and to pat myself on the back, for making shit happen. The world can be a funny place and moving to Charlotte, more or less randomly, has turned out to be the best decision I’ve made since… well, I don’t make many good decisions so I don’t want to say. But, rest assured, I won’t be going anywhere for a while, so get used to me and be ready to hear my name everywhere if you live in or near North Carolina.

Also, next week I’ll be back in full Aspergian force with some ranting, raving insanity and probably a list or two. Goodbye for now.

(dictated but not read)

Another great show and Carolina rain vs. Portland, OR rain... aka... just another reason I'm so glad to be in Carolina...

Awesome show this past Saturday night with DANE PAGE and WILL EASTER. I had the pleasure of kicking that show off and then sitting back, enjoying a few D9 Brewers Day Off beers and just taking in some amazing music. Wish I could’ve sat back and listened to myself as I was pretty good too, but we just don’t have the science for that yet. Someday. All in all, a great night for everyone. It’s always inspiring to play music alongside really talented people. I can feel how it pushes me to be the best version of myself as a performer, in a good way. I hope to play with these guys again soon. Thanks to everyone who hung out, listened hard (seriously attentive and wonderful crowd. I can’t tell you how much that means to a performer when everyone is locked in. Raises the experience for everyone involved.) and, shit, you’re supposed to do these in threes. Umm. And bought beer/wine? That works, I guess. Maybe people don’t know but the more you buy drinks, often the more the bands get paid. So, drink up in support of local music! That seems like a win-win if I ever heard one.

Now, this might sound strange, but one of the things I love the most about moving to North Carolina (apart from the obvious of not being in Portland, OR anymore… good riddance) is the rain. I get it. Former Portland, OR resident likes the rain? Isn’t that why people get so depressed out that way? Doesn’t it rain for like eight months out of the year? Why the fuck aren’t you sick of the fucking rain after almost 9 years of that?

Well, let me tell you. For those who don’t know, I was born and raised in the great state of Wisconsin where we had these things called Seasons. I loved them. Even, to a certain extent, winter (though I suppose my having a song called “MIDWEST WINTERS” with the refrain of “Those Midwest Winters will suck your soul away” might refute that statement…). And one of the things I loved was rain storms. The sounds are so soothing. In fact, I have my windows open right now so I can listen to the sound as I write this. I enjoy thunderstorms even more, but I’ll take a good rainy day any day of the week. It also makes me feel more comfortable inside where I can work on my computer and not feel like I should be doing something out and about, which is great for someone who is still learning the music scenes out this way and needs to do tons of research/booking online but normally hates to be on a computer for more than a couple hours. I don’t typically enjoy the out of doors, but I actually had a cup of coffee (super watered-down for those wondering how I drink coffee with Meniere’s Disease. I put in like a spoonful of ground for every three cups. It doesn’t taste as good as it used to but I still get that warm, brown elixir every morning and I don’t have to worry about my ear acting up. Meniere’s, for those who don’t know, is an inner ear disorder that affects hearing, balance, vision and just about everything else when it ramps up. To read my blog about my latest Meniere’s attack, CLICK HERE.) out on my patio this morning just to listen to and take in the rain. It was the first time I’ve been out there in weeks.

The reason Portland rain sucks (and all the Pacific Northwest rain in general) is that it’s so light and constant. It basically sprinkles all day, every day for months on end. I prefer my rain to come hard and then get the fuck out (ha!). The rain was so shitty, half the time my windshield wipers wouldn’t even work on it because the drops were so small and mist-like. So, when you have your six hour drive to the next show and you can barely see and the roads are super twisty-turny because of the damn mountains and the highways aren’t properly sloped so your constantly hydroplaning all over the place and for some reason, even though it rains for eight fucking months a year, no one knows how to drive properly in the rain and they keep almost hitting you and you haven’t had any coffee yet since every time you reach for the cup either some asshole tries to hit you because they’re on the phone instead of driving or you hit yet another mini lake on the freeway and nearly careen into the log-hauling truck you’re passing… I lost the point, but it wasn’t fun. You can’t even use an umbrella because it’s goddamn pointless. That’s actually how you could spot new arrivals: trying to use an umbrella, getting wet anyways and then getting aggravated since the misty-bullshit rain is still blowing onto them. Good times…

And that’s just one of the (seemingly endless) things I hated about Portland, OR. Maybe someday I’ll do a top 5 things but I have more important things to do today so… Listen to DANE PAGE and WILL EASTER, drink any beer that D9 brewing makes (especially the Pinch of Salt Salted Caramel Gose) and I’ll see you next week or at the next show. Bradley out…

(dictated but not read)

Michel Gondry is my hero... aka... Some awesome videos and my charmed life...

It’s been a while since I did a music night, so let’s do that. I love making lists, and making lists while listening to music is even better. This week I’ve been jonesing on some Michel Gondry, so that’s the theme for these tunes. These are not necessarily my favorite or my top 5 or whatever but they are the ones I want to listen to/watch tonight. Gondry was always a favorite director of mine but since I own a hand-drawn sketch of me done by the man himself (for real! See picture below), I’ll ride for Gondry til I die.

If you don’t know who Michel Gondry is, he is the director of one of my favorite movies ever (“The Science of Sleep”) but is probably most known as the director for “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.” He has directed a myriad of amazing music videos so I’m choosing from those tonight. I know, I know, this list could just be all his collaborations with Bjork, but don’t worry, it isn’t. There’s so much to choose from, so let’s get going!

“Ride” - The Vines

Now this isn’t a crazy music video by any means, but I do miss/love the Vines. Their time atop the music world wasn’t long for this world but as a fellow Asperger’s, I can’t help but feel for Craig Nicholls (lead singer/songwriter). He is a brilliant musician but clearly struggled a lot. I hope he’s doing better now.

“The Hardest Button to Button” - The White Stripes

For sure, “Fell in Love with a Girl” is the more popular Stripes choice but this is such a cool/simple/brilliant idea. It’s so much fun to watch and was clearly a labor of love for the band/director. Gondry has such wonderful music taste. Man, I remember a time when the Stripes were my favorite band on the planet. They are still up there and they certainly put on some of my favorite live shows I’ve ever seen. It is strange to think of the first time I saw them (with about 200 other people) to the last time I saw them (fucking Madison Square Garden!). What a band. Jack White is truly a singular talent.

“A Change Would Do You Good” - Sheryl Crow

Still weirds me out that Sheryl Crow was a backup singer for Michael Jackson… Anyways, why does the OTHER VERSION of this video exist? This one is so much better and has so many famous people in it (Ellen, Jeff Garlin, Molly Shannon, Gail the Snail, or whatever her real name is, Andy Dick, etc.). It’s so silly and extraordinary and clever that I can’t help but forget about the song that’s playing. I miss when people used to invest in music videos like this.

“Hyperballad” - Bjork

What an incredible song. What an incredible video. Such a sad song though. It’s sometimes hard to listen to. But that’s not the case tonight.

“Everlong” - Foo Fighters

Man, that second Foo album was a killer. And this may be my favorite Gondry video. It’s so fucking imaginative and wonderful. And, it features his obsession with large hands (see the sketch of me below for more large-handedness). I’ve literally watched this video on repeat for hours. Maybe I’m the weirdo but damn is this fun.

“Fire on Babylon” - Sinead O’Connor

A very haunting tune indeed, but I actually watch equally for the video. The childish settings and themes placed against some truly terrifying imagery. There’s some dark shit in here. Takes the song to places I don’t know if Sinead even knew existed. The whole thing is fucking awesome. I know Sinead has taken a lot of shit from a lot of people but I stand by her originality and brilliance and bravery in songwriting and life. Also, never gets enough credit for her outstanding voice.

“Like a Rolling Stone” - The Rolling Stones

Ummm, Bob Dylan and The Rolling Stones? Yes, please. And throw my man Gondry into it? Hell fucking yes please! I don’t think I’ve ever seen this effect employed in another video and definitely don’t even have a fucking clue as to what it is. All I know is that it’s fucking awesome.

Anyways, I’m tired and you should enjoy those videos and the sketch of me below done by the man himself. Weird, right? But one of my favorite directors and writers on the planet drew me. ME. What the fuck? Sometimes I think my life is pretty fucking awesome…

(dictated but not read)