Tuesday, December 13, 2016

To my fellow Wisconsinite Mr. Justin Vernon... I neglected "22, A Million" based on your previous shit, but man, does this shit kick ass...

The first record I've sat down and listened to start to finish since Beach Slang's "The Things We Do To Find People Who Feel Like Us"


My God, did I write this fucker off too soon.  Sure, like everyone else in the world, I bought "For Emma, Forever Ago."  It was good but I wasn't punched in the tit in love with Bon Iver.  I wanted to be.  Seriously, I desperately wanted to love his shit but I just didn't.  It was pretty and I'm sure he was actually singing real, human words though I couldn't decipher shit.  I've been told that "Skinny Love" was a very touching, sad, real-as-fuck song.  I couldn't name three words that fucker sang, plus I've heard enough fucking resonators played to last me a fucking lifetime, trust me.  It was a good record but didn't tickle my taint enough for me to give up my first born child like it did for so many.  I felt guilty about it.  Here's an honest Wisconsinite making decent music for the first time since, fuck, I don't know.  The story of his breakup and band breakup and return to Wisconsin and shit was compelling but the music didn't quite live up to the genius-level praise he received.  Maybe I just didn't get it.  Maybe my Asperger's prevented me from caring about music that I couldn't understand the fucking words to.  Who knows.  But "22, A Million..."  Jesus Fucking Christ.  I wish I could imagine a record this good, let alone actually fucking make it.  Fuck.  Well done, Mr. Vernon.  Seriously.  When a motherfucker is wrong, a motherfucker is wrong.  And I'm man enough to admit that maybe I didn't care about "For Emma, Forever Ago" or "Bon Iver" but this "22, A Million" is my new shit.  I might be late to the party, but forgive me, I wasn't exactly waiting on its release given his last two records.  But this is unbelievably fucking awe-inspiring.  Wow, is all I got.  Seriously.  I just don't know what else to say.  I haven't heard a record that fucked my head up this much since "Blueberry Boat."  Congrats and GO PACK GO!  Assuming Justin is a sports/football/Packers fan.  And it's fair to assume he loves the Packers and cheese and beer, being from Wisconsin after all.  Anyway, I'm rambling now, but if you haven't listened to "22, A Million," do it now.  And, I guess, if you haven't dabbled in "Blueberry Boat" by the Fiery Furnaces, go ahead and dip a toe, or more, in.  You won't regret it, but you need to be ready to invest more than a few minutes.  This isn't the Taylor Swift or whatever the kids are listening to these days.  This shit will challenge you and force you to either shit or get off the pot.  It's worth it, trust me.  Shit away.  Or listen to the records.  What the fuck am I talking about?  I love y'all.  Vodka is tasty...  Goodnight...

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