Everybody loves a loser…
You guys/gals ever notice how awesome Steve Winwood is? If you don’t, you should. Take some time and appreciate the man,
his hair, his videos, his keyboard prowess, but mostly, his insanely catchy and
wonderfully-constructed songs. Use
five minutes of your weekend to listen to THIS SHIT. He even gets all grammatical on our
asses by correctly saying “an Higher Love.” I could (and frequently do) listen to this on repeat in the
car when I’m feeling down. Some
days it’s “Valerie,” some days it’s “Back in the High Life” but Mr. Winwood is
frequently in the mix of the pick-me-up-playlist. As is THIS SONG.
Man, sorry what was I going to talk about, again? Oh yeah, something I know quite a bit
about: Losing. (aside: God, I hope people didn’t think I was going to use Steve
Winwood as my segue into losing and losers… No, I’m talking about me. Sorry, that intro was confusing as shit
but it’s Friday Night, which, if you’re keeping score at home, is for the
Drinkers and I’m definitely partaking in that social more (mor-“A”, or mor-“eh”
for our Canadian friends, which is also, incidentally, how they order another
beer). If I was a professional writer
I wouldn’t have been so MISLEADING but I’m not, so fuck it, and on with the
show!)
What I wanted to talk about today, which isn’t “today” in
the same sense to me as it is to you, since who knows when you will be reading
this (if anyone reads this shit at all to begin with), was the idea and societal
perceptions of LOSING. There’s a
distinct fear of LOSING, a perceived hatred/shame toward LOSERS and this insane
idea that LOSING is completely unacceptable and the absolute worst thing that
can happen to a person or group of persons (or people? Not sure, don’t care). People have become deathly afraid to be
WRONG, to LOSE or to FAIL. I’ve
watched people waste and/or ruin their lives because of an intense fear of
LOSING or FAILURE. I understand
that a lot of these feelings are the products of other, deeper issues; that
this is an effect, not the cause.
I get that. But I
don’t. Or I guess I should say, I
don’t understand that. My brain,
addled as it may be, or perhaps because of said addling, doesn’t work like
that. There are a lot of reasons that
it doesn’t work like that, which, if you really want to know, feel free to ask
me at a later date and I might tell you (booze always helps!). But, it’s heartbreaking to see people’s
lives controlled by the fear of LOSING or FAILURE. Just for the record (and because nobody fucking asked) my
biggest fears are:
- Driving
my car off a cliff and plummeting to an untimely and grotesque, fiery
death, AND
- Missing
out on Packers games (which is why I support, and fully endorse, Football on Your Phone.
Oh, and not doing something great, original, influential and
memorable with my life. But, I
will accomplish this with the release of my second album (and the double-secret
forthcoming Kindears album; wait, I just mentioned it, FUCK!), so I’m not too
worried about this one anymore…
One of the things I’ve noticed over the years, is that the
growing disdain people feel towards LOSING/FAILURE has slowly morphed into an
entire era where people are simply avoiding putting themselves into a situation
where LOSING/FAILURE is possible and/or likely. I do not believe this is an entirely new concept but it has
been subsequently reinforced by our modern culture, most specifically, with the
dreaded “Hipsters” (Wooo, scary sound effect, but not too scary because “I’m
too fuckin’ cool to care anyways” he said in his best hipster, aka Michael
Cera, voice). They’ve subsequently
decided that none of them want to be losers, and henceforth, in order to erase
losers, you must also erase winners and, thusly, everyone is equal and the
same. Yay! What a fun world we live in, where no
one is good and no one is bad, we’re all just stuck in the same boring ass,
fucking Hipster Purgatory.
Now, I think the best example of the fear of LOSING, and the
subsequent damage it can cause, is probably the Cleveland Browns. They’ve fallen into the Fear of Losing
Death Spiral, where:
Fear of Losing = Changes = Losing = More Changes = More
Losing = Fear of Losing
And on and on, repeating like the two fucking chords of a
half-hour Phish jam. Teams are
more likely to get stuck in this holding pattern than to get out. The inverse is also true with teams
like the Packers and the Patriots.
Just as in nature, it takes more time, and more importantly, energy to
stop and start anew than it does to keep moving in the same direction. That’s what makes what the Oakland (as
of now) Raiders have done even more admirable. They could have easily replaced Reggie McKenzie (Ted
Thompson disciple), burned down the operation and started over a couple times,
as the Browns have done, and continued to win 3-5 games each year for the
forseeable future. Instead, they
kept him around for the third (and now fourth and fifth) season. Browns fans, you might already be
confused as I’m guessing you didn’t know GM’s and coach’s contracts could go
beyond 2 years, but they can. Was
it rough on the Raiders, and moreso the fans, for a spell? Yes, of course. Did the Raiders fans cry out for
change? I’m certain many did. Did they let the howl of the wolves
deter them from their overall plan?
No. In fact, fuck no. Because teams can’t turn things around
without a great effort. But now
the Raiders have a legitimate chance of making the playoffs this season and the
Browns, well, they have RGIII…
I know many of you are thinking that, ultimately, these
decisions come from the top down, from ownership, and you’d be right… Sort of. Of course, these egocentric (and generally not football-minded
or football-smart) billionaires are generally impatient pricks. If they were good at waiting around,
being patient, always giving the benefit of the doubt, being kind and gentle,
forgiving and caring, they probably wouldn’t be successful billionaires. God knows, that hasn’t worked for me –
though I’m not really THAT patient, kind or any of the other shit,
anyways. These men are accustomed
to winning, and winning largely and frequently. Again, very much so unlike me. Losing, and responding to said losses, has made me who I am
today. My favorite story about
LOSING is a tale about how awesome my brother is. For years growing up, we played a lot of chess. We played almost every single day. Now, just so you know, I was 15 or 16
when we started and my brother was 7 or 8. I refused to just let him win. Was it mean to beat him every time? Maybe, but I didn’t think he would
learn the nuances of the game properly if I didn’t play him for real. So, after losing hundreds of games, he
finally won. He beat me. He was like 1-500 in his career but
I’ll never forget it. I couldn’t
have been prouder of him. It felt
like a monumental moment. I know
he felt it too. He went on to
start a chess club in High School and I’m sure he was the best player on the
team. And, I’m positively certain,
he would fucking destroy me if we played today. Did he like losing all those games? I can’t imagine he did, but now he’s a
better player than I ever could be.
Losses can often be the building blocks to winning. But these billionaire cocksuckers (yes,
I’m jealous. I want one of those
blue stripy shirts with the white collar so everyone knows I’m both rich and a
douchebag) are defined by winning; they don’t lose often and they don’t lose
well. But the other half of that
is the fact that they intensely hate being perceived as LOSERS. So, when the fans and the critics and
the media start labeling THEIR team as LOSERS, being the vain and egocentric
people they are, they DEMAND CHANGE.
Someone must be held accountable and FIRED. LOSING is UNACCEPTABLE! Except, obviously, if winning were easy, we’d all be doing
it; just like we’d all be billionaires if we could. This is the subtle fact that seems to elude them. So, because in our modern culture,
driven heavily by the Hipster movement, people can’t stand LOSING, the owners
have become much more impatient and more frequently force change upon their
LOSING team and, thusly, perpetuate the LOSING, which, of course, perpetuates
the Fear of Losing Death Spiral.
So, yes, Cleveland, you can probably, and rightfully so, blame Hipsters
and impatient Billionaires for your pain and suffering.
P.S. – If you start a class-action lawsuit, I want in. Anything to stop this Hipster
takeover. It’s worse than the
fucking hippies in the sixties.
They don’t stand for anything, they just hate everything; especially
winning and losing. Perhaps,
someday, we’ll all be boring and mediocre but until then, I’d rather the whole
world wasn’t just like Cleveland…
P.P.S. – I originally had this epiphany (or rant, as my
girlfriend likes to say) before the Cavaliers won the NBA Title. I spoke lots of ill toward the Browns,
because, well, they suck. But, for
the record, I wholly supported LeBron defeating the mighty Warriors, which I
feel are the quintessential Hipster team.
LeBron is a once in a lifetime athlete, built to specs most of us can’t
even read or even if we could, we wouldn’t fucking comprehend or know how to
put them together. He is most
definitely from another planet.
That’s probably why people love Steph Curry so much. They love Steph because he seems the
most like us “normal” humans. He’s
not sculpted by His own hands and chosen by God to wreak havoc on the
basketball world while we all bask in his undeniable glory. But that’s the greatest fucking thing
about sports. I relish watching
these genetic freaks and glorious humans achieve things beyond our wildest
imagination (ex. THIS MUTHAFUCKING SHIT!!!!!). Step back 3’s
be damned. That shit is real. Like, for fucking real. Seriously. Except that it isn’t real, except in LeBron James’ world. And, Hipsters be damned, that’s the
world I want to live in, eternally and with all the grace of God. God bless you, LeBron James. God bless you…
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