Who loves Top 5 lists? aka... Asperger's brain dump...

I’ve been so busy lately that I can barely think so I’m gonna make this easy on myself and do some random lists like I used to do. I’m not sure if having Asperger’s makes me more prone to liking lists (which is the way I keep most information stored in my head) or I would’ve been a list-man anyway. Either way, let’s do some lists!

Top 5 times I feel the most “Bradley Wik”

This is a weird category but I was thinking about this the other day. Back when I had a day job, I would constantly feel like I wasn’t myself. For example, the aforementioned day job required me to trade shows where I and my colleagues would all have to dress alike. There we all were in khakis and matching polo shirts. Most of it was standing there yelling at people (since there were so many people talking, normal conversation-level voices would not be sufficient) but when I had to go piss, I’d catch a glance of myself in the mirror and hardly recognized who was staring back at me. Neat hair, polo shirt, khaki pants? Not Bradley Wik. It would crop up in other areas of my life as well, but that was always the most shocking. So here are the top 5 times I feel the most “me.”

1) When I’m performing on stage in front of people

I know what you’re thinking. Why multiple prepositions in that short of a sentence? Why do you have to specify in front of people? People are assumed when you say “on stage.” Not if you’ve played some of the shows I have. I still remember those shows in NYC at 2am when even the sound guy would step out for a smoke. Some of my favorite memories actually… Or, you’re thinking it seems strange that when I’m performing I feel most comfortable, but it’s true. It just feels like home and I’m at my most loose and confident. Even my wife notices a difference when I step up there. For some reason, I need people to watch me be me to be more “me.” I don’t know if that means that I’m a fraud in the rest of my life or what but this is weirdly the #1 answer…

2) When I’m having sex

This should go without saying (or maybe it’s different for others), but I’m the least self-conscious with my pants off. Probably because I have other things to occupy my thoughts (or lack thereof). It’s mindless work, which I love as I can finally shut my overdriven brain off for a moment of peaceful clarity.

3) When I’m watching a Packers or Brewers game

I guess those could be two separate ones but they’re essentially the same. But again, my brain shuts off (apart from trying to figure out the strategy behind the games, especially baseball. My wife is always amazed when I can guess when things will happen during a baseball game. I’ve called so many strikeouts, hits, home runs, etc. over the years. It’s one of the few ways I can still impress her…) so I can “just be” in peace.

4) When I’m pooping

Maybe it’s just me, but I find this to be some of my most relaxing time each day. I savor my poop time. There are no expectations to work or do anything productive other than evacuate my bowels. It’s delicious. Also, with #4 being the best and my favorite number in the whole world (thanks Favre!), I had to give my favorite answer here.

5) When I’m in New York City

Yep. Just whenever I’m there. This would be higher on the list if it happened more frequently. My years living there were the best and every day I wish I was still there. I love living in Charlotte and NYC is not the same as it once was, but being back there last year made me love it even more.

Top 5 Movies I Watch When I’m Sad

1) The Wrestler

Years ago, when we first met, my wife once asked me what character from a movie would I say I’m the most like. I chose Randy “the Ram” Robinson. I stand by that, for better or worse. Probably says more about how messed up my priorities are but I thought the ending was actually happy. He got to go out on his own terms, doing the thing he loved and while being loved. That doesn’t sound sad to me…

2) Get Him to the Greek

I used to watch this movie so much that I could do a good Aldous Snow impression and once convinced (a very drunk, mind you) group of people I was actually British. Then, when I told them I was fucking with them, I almost got beat up. One of them stood up and shoved me. One of them actually took a swing at me, spilling her drink all over herself before storming off. Man, some people can’t take a joke. Good times…

3) The Wedding Singer

This is pure comfort food for me. I actually like the fake song he writes when he’s super depressed. And Adam and Drew are so good on screen together. Plus, Billy Idol cameo? Yes, please.

4) Bridesmaids

Upon first viewing, I didn’t like this movie very much. The advertising really did it a disservice. It’s not a quirky, silly comedy. It’s a full-blown drama with some hilarious scenes (emergency pooping is always funny). Wiig is so amazing in this and everything is better with a little Maya Rudolph. I think I connect with Wiig’s character in a way that maybe is only matched by a few other characters (see above) and I like that. It’s not easy for an Asperger’s to “feel” with other people and she somehow brings that out of me.

5) American Movie

No matter how sad/depressed I am, this movie can always pull me out. Maybe it’s the Wisconsinite in me, but Mark’s unending determination to achieve his goal is magical. I feel a kinship to that. I know his struggles. Maybe too well. But, like Mark, I too have something magical to give the world, whether or not they want it/are ready for it. He did it, so can I.

Honorable mentions: Grandma’s Boy (Linda Cardellini singing Salt-N-Pepa? Yes, please. I’ll take two.), Walk the Line and the Bob Dylan “documentary” “Don’t Look Back”

Top 5 Phil Collins/Genesis Albums

My wife says these are the same thing, and since she's always right, I’m lumping them together. I also didn’t realize how much I’ve spent on Collins/Genesis vinyl over the years…

1) No Jacket Required

This not only has my favorite Collins’ tune (“Sussudio”) but also my favorite song of his (“Take Me Home”). Wait, two favorites? Yep. That’s why it’s #1.

2) Invisible Touch

I probably sing along (or try to, Phil has a slightly better range than I…) to this album as much as any other record I own. Truly a triumph of music making and Genesis at the peak of their pop powers.

3) Abacab

I know you might be thinking: Abacab? Seriously? #3? But, I know that every time I put this on the turntable, I get the unending joy of hearing “Who Dunnit?” one more time in my life. It’s one of my great joys. I still don’t know who or how many drugs convinced Phil to allow this onto an album (assuming it’s the keyboard player’s song. Sounds like a keyboard man’s contribution…) but I’m grateful for each listen. If you’ve never heard this song, HERE IT IS. You’re welcome. Try getting that shit out of your head, ever.

4) Face Value

Would be higher if it wasn’t so sad. It’s a fantastic journey and experience to go on when I’m in the mood. I’m just less inclined on a daily basis to spin this album.

5) We Can’t Dance 

I still almost tear up when I thread this up and “No Son of Mine” comes through the speakers. And then I also have to DO THE DANCE whenever “I Can’t Dance” comes on. Love it.

So, there you go. Lists. How awesome are they? Yes.

(dictated but not read)

Asperger's hates me... aka... I think that's just Asperger's...

I was going to extoll the virtues of music and its impact in my life, but unfortunately, my day (well, two days) were upended by Asperger’s. You see, one of the worst things that can happen to an Aspergerian person (if that’s a thing) is they have to change their plans. This can show up in larger ways, like, say, having to work on your day off (like I did on Sunday, which is now officially football only day even though I hate the NFL and what football has become) or in small ways, like, say, not being able to eat cottage cheese and kiwi after playing a show because we’re out of kiwis; true story. But, the sad thing is that both things are often equal to the Aspergian mind, as illustrated by this Sunday where I had to work on a podcast instead of relax and Thursday, where I had to eat cottage cheese without kiwi since someone ate the two I was saving…

But, this is one of the downsides of having Asperger’s. I’ve noted the upsides a few different times on this blog, and I actually believe having Asperger’s is generally a good thing, like probably 70% of the time. It helps me focus on myself and my art by not caring what others think. It helps me eliminate mindless decisions, as too many decisions leads to fatigue. It helps me focus on tasks with its borderline obsessive nature. But, it also takes the smallest things and renders me in almost complete Aspergian panic mode. Here’s an example:

Tonight, I was at a songwriters meeting. I have never attended a meeting by this group so I had no idea what to expect. My wife said I should be prepared to play a song as they often have members play so they can give notes, give praise or just support each other. I was reticent as I was just attending to see what the meeting and the group was all about. Needless to say, they asked me to play a song. I didn’t want to but obliged. As my turn came up, I couldn’t think of what song I wanted to play because I was so in my head about having to play in the first place. I didn’t want to. I stepped in front of the microphone and gave an intro/backstory for a song I wanted to play and… played something else. I’m not sure why or how I landed on the song. It was a surprise to me and I could barely sing the song as I didn’t know what was happening. This wasn’t the song I wanted to play (or the song I’d intro’d) so I couldn’t keep up with the song. Since the speaker was on my right (my bad/Meniere’s ear), I started to have issues with hearing and worried I’d have a vertigo attack. I played and sang it about as poorly as I had in years. Since I play so often, it wasn’t unlistenable by any means, but it was in no way representative of my abilities and, since I had no idea what was happening, I was only along for the ride rather than controlling the performance. It felt weird. I felt disappointed in myself. I didn’t play or sing well and I should have known to have a song ready. I was angry until I got home turned on the TV to see Deshaun Watson and the Texans score a touchdown in 13 seconds only to see the Saints (whom I fucking hate, I’ll never forgive them for Bountygate and for essentially ending Brett Favre’s career, even though it was on the Vikings…) come back and win. Now, I was more mad about this than at myself for failing to perform to my standards.

My wife asked me why I was aggravated to begin with. Everyone has an off night. I’d been awake since 4am (thanks to my cat), which means I only got 2-3 hours of sleep so I shouldn’t have expected a brilliant performance from myself. But, that’s not how it works. I get aggravated when I have an off night practicing in my apartment. I’ve never expected perfection, but I know what I’m capable of and hate when I fall short. I especially hate when I fall short due to my mindset/Asperger’s. I hate that it can derail a simple thing like singing a song I’ve sang hundreds of times. Or when It makes me have a fight with my wife because I forgot to do something and now I’m just angry at everything. It sucks. But, even though I’m aware of it most of the time, that doesn’t mean I can control it. It still is what it is. It still controls me even when I know it’s happening. Just because you know it’s going to rain, doesn’t mean you can do much besides try and prepare yourself. But even then, it’s much stronger than I often realize and I still have Asperger’s whether I see it or not. Often, I know I’m doing its bidding but can’t do anything to change my behavior. It’s a helpless feeling. At least it doesn’t lay me up in bed for hours on end like Meniere’s…

I wish I had a great moral or ending to this story but it’s just another in a long line of Asperger’s moments. At least I didn’t have a full on yelling at myself, squeezing my head with my fists while my body shuts down and I literally (yes, literally) cannot move for who knows how long; so I got that going for me, which is nice…

Sorry for the short blog, but it’s so late and I’m already so tired. One thing they don’t tell you is how exhausting having an Asperger’s attack is. Although, I doubt that would help anything anyways…

(dictated but not read)

First Show in Charlotte and Top Five Arnold Movies... aka... Just a normal Monday!

Thanks to everyone who joined me Friday Night (is for the drinkers) at Summit Coffee Co.! It was my first official show in the Charlotte area and I couldn’t be happier to kick off this new season of my life and this new chapter in my music career. When I actually sit down to think about it, I feel very blessed to have lived the life I have and to have experienced the hospitality of nearly 10 cities at this point. Chronologically, Horicon/Mayville, WI, Madison, WI, San Francisco, CA, Los Angeles, CA, Seattle, WA, New York City/Brooklyn, NY, Portland, OR, and now, finally, and probably lastly, Charlotte, NC. Each city has welcomed and embraced me and my music (especially New York and Charlotte, seems like I’m an East Coaster at heart). Also, looking at that list, I realize my propensity for moving long distances, including three trips from coast to coast. I hope to never experience that again. As a younger man, it simply involved shipping my musical equipment, books, records, etc. to a FedEx store and flying myself, but as an older man, it’s slightly more involved as I now have years of merch, musical/sound equipment, and even furniture I’d like to keep, to move across the country. I hope, and feel, that this move to North Carolina is my last. All of which is to say, thank you for supporting my musical journey and I hope to see you again soon. It hasn’t been a normal life, but it has been an incredible one, that I’ve lived up until this point. I’m proud to say this kid from a town of less than 3000 people in rural Wisconsin has played hundreds of shows across this great country, sold thousands of records, heard his songs played on the radio (in the U.S. and Europe) and lived more than his fair share of life in his limited time on this earth. So, thank you Charlotte, for welcoming me one more time and I know you’ll be proud of me when this thing is through…

OK, enough of the mushy stuff, why are we here today? (Editors note: I forgot yesterday was Monday due to the holiday, which is why this is a day late) The answer is a question you’ve all been waiting with bated breath for me to answer: what are your top 5 (I love lists) favorite Arnold Schwarzenegger movies?

OK, so maybe you haven’t felt like living your life has been a lie up until this point, when you can finally put your mind at ease about Bradley Wik’s top 5 Arnold movies, but I’m sure you’ve spent many a sleepless night trying to pare down his amazing career into a top 5 list? No? Just me? I’ve literally (cue Rob Lowe from “Parks and Rec” who now owns the word “literally” the same way Wallace Shawn owns the word “inconceivable” from his turn in “The Princess Bride”) lost many hours of sleep on this topic but then again, that may just be a weird, Aspergian obsession that comes and goes. If you’re a regular reader of the blog, you’ll know I love lists, hence:

• My Top 5 Neil Young (and all-time) Albums
• Top 5 Spinal Tap Songs and favorite live shows from Portland, OR
• Top 5 (or 27, kinda) things I should do before I die
• Top 5 albums I fall asleep to
  
  

Well, you get the idea… So, here’s the fucking list:

5) Junior

 

Ivan Reitman directing, Emma Thompson, another Danny DeVito pairing, and wait, buried the lede, a fucking pregnant Arnold? Of course this made the list. Probably, didn’t think it would be in my top 5, but it definitely is. I have to turn this movie on whenever it’s on cable (which is almost never). One of my favorite podcasts (and based off its popularity, many people’s favorite podcast) “How Did This Get Made?” even on gave this movie its blessing by mocking it. It’s absurd, ridiculous and implausible but also hilarious, ridiculous and so damn entertaining. Kind of misogynistic, but dumb enough to get away with it. I wish I was in the room when someone said the words “Picture this: Arnold is pregnant, Danny DeVito is his co-star, Emma Thompson is acting like Arnold looks like Robert Redford and the plot makes no sense, but who cares…” OK, maybe that wasn’t the pitch but it could’ve been.

4) Jingle All The Way

 

This was hard to put this low on the list. I know, given Arnold’s amazing career, how could this even crack the top 5? Well, this is my fucking list, so deal with it. Every year, my wife and I have a list of Christmas movies we can’t wait to watch (which includes all of the new cheesy/shitty Hallmark movies) like “Elf,” “Christmas Vacation,” “A Christmas Story,” “Die Hard,” “The Santa Clause,” well, you get the idea. But, of all the holiday movies, “Jingle All the Way” might be my favorite. Phil Hartman, the Seth McFarlane lookalike in the caroling scene, Sinbad acting, well, insane, Arnold fighting a room full of Santas… It’s all so amazing. A true Christmas classic… Who am I kidding, I mostly just love how Conan did his bits where he would pretend to interview Arnold and the always-cracking-up voice would say “Jingle all the Way!” more times than I can count…

3) Kindergarten Cop

 

This might have been my toughest decision, “Jingle All The Way” vs. “Kindergarten Cop.” But, after intense debate with myself, it came down to the fact that the “Kindergarten Cop” sequel starred Dolph Lundgren, which is awesome, and the “Jingle All The Way” sequel featured Larry the Cable Guy, which also happened…

2) The Terminator

 

I know, I know, how is this not #1? In fact, how is “The Terminator” and “Terminator 2” not #1 and #2 respectively? Well, despite it’s amazingly wonderful and random soundtrack (as a kid, I had a shitty Casio keyboard that had a record feature. But, it was also monophonic, meaning it could only record one note at a time. So, I would hit record, press all the keys as fast as possible and was constantly fascinated by how weird and random the recording playback would sound. But, years later, I realized that those recordings sounded similar to the Terminator soundtrack. Apparently, I could’ve made a lot of money pressing random keys on a keyboard/synth…), the incredibly original screenplay/story and the actors just fucking killing it, there is a movie of Arnold’s that I love more…

1) Total Recall

This movie embodies everything I love about the late 80’s/early 90’s. It has the huge set pieces, the ridiculous but engrossing (and mystifying) story and world-building, the action, the gore, the the-governments-out-to-get-us theme, the weirdness, a.k.a. a mutant with a genius baby growing out of his stomach that eventually gets shot in the head, a thrice-boobed lady and many shots of peoples eyes being sucked out of their heads by the oxygen-deprived Martian atmosphere, the overt product placement (Pepsi, Jack in the Box, Sharper Image, Miller Lite, etc.) and just plain insanity that makes movies teeter on the precipice of amazing/campy. I still can’t believe they remade this movie as it was perfect in its original incarnation. It’s the type of original storytelling that our current movie scene could use. I wish they still funded weird/creative as fuck projects like this nowadays. We could all use a little Arnold, hot Sharon Stone, badass Michael Ironside (as if there’s another kind…), Paul Verhoeven-directed madness in our lives. “See you at the party, Richter…”

Honorable mention goes to: “Terminator 2,” “Twins,” “Predator” and “Conan the Barbarian”

(dictated but not read. Well, this one was kinda read, but not totally, so excuse the msitakes)

It’s hard to get a good picture of me performing as I make a lot of funny faces when I sing. This is about as good as can be reasonably expected…