Food poisoning blues aka... weekends seem to fucking hate me these days...

They say bad things come in threes... This was my third consecutive weekend that has been cut short/ruined. This time? Food poisoning... Turns out Trader Joe's Polenta does not last two weeks once opened, despite it looking/smelling like normal. Do not tempt fate and try to prove me wrong... Trust me...

That's how I spent Saturday night/Sunday morning, Sunday and Monday. Even today (which is Tuesday for me), I was finally able to eat soup and not feel like I had to poop my pants immediately. Good times...

Anyways, I'm gonna finish watching the Bucks-Rockets game, shower and hopefully fall asleep early. I can't keep wasting days being sick. This fucking sucks. I'm done with this shit; which is what my poor asshole has said multiple times...

But, the one benefit of being sick is I got to catch up on TV watching, so swings and roundabouts. The TV shows that got me through:

"At Home with Amy Sedaris"

What a fun, fucking weird show. So much silly fun. Great for when you need to turn your brain off.

"Derek"

Hadn't seen this show in years, but it is so fucking good. Maybe Gervais' best show, which is high praise since "The Office" is one of my favorite shows ever.

"Arrested Development"

Yeah, I had to watch the second half of season 5. I made it through season 4 so I can make it through anything. Maeby is funnier than ever but the rest of the show is so tired and I hate their seasons 4 and 5 thing of over-explaining the jokes, which aren't as sharp or as complicated to begin with. Seems like they went plot-heavy instead of zaniness, which is not to my liking. Disappointing but I'm glad it's over (it's over, right?!).

"Happy"

Just started this one, but it's much darker than I thought but very good so far. No spoilers!

"I'm Sorry"

Andrea Savage can do no wrong in my book. Wish Jason Mantzoukas could have been in the season but I'm sure it was a scheduling thing. That's the only thing that could have made season 2 better than it is. Well done, Andrea. Well done.

OK, not feeling great again. Bye for now.

(dictated but not read)

party like it's my birthday aka.. eat whatever I want and pay the price...

Jeez, just a week after feeling dead to the world because of exhaustion from Disney World, now I feel dead to the world because of a multi-day bout of food poisoning and subsequent digestive issues. Fun stuff. Luckily, I did get to enjoy some of my birthday weekend/St. Patty's day, but not much. No green beer or Jameson shots for this guy. Of course, no one ever believes that you could be sick apart from drinking too much (as I've found out today) so that's been fun. Hey, I'll cop to drinking/partying too much when it happens but getting blamed for thinking a grocery store deli salad would be OK and being 100% wrong isn't really too much fun. Oh well, so it goes...


To be sure, I do have a few different digestive disorders I was playing fast and loose with. I am lactose-intolerant (I have no patience for lactose and won't tolerate it...). I have issues with too much gluten (was awesomely not an issue in Paris where the bread is oh-so-fucking-amazing). And sometimes (and this may have been a contributing factor as well) I eat too much really spicy food and make myself sick. I love spicy food (and like everyone in the world these days, Nashville Hot Chicken is my greatest crutch. Being in Portland, I only get chain-chicken or the like, but Seattle has one of my favorite chicken places in the world, which includes Nashville, called Sisters and Brothers) much to my stomach's dismay. Pair any of those issues with a bourbon or three and my nearly everyday stress and anxiety, and voila, welcome to Upset-Stomach City, population me (and the millions of others who suffer from some form of digestive issues).

So, I probably shouldn't have eaten pizza, grocery store deli macaroni salad, 3 big slices of cheddar cheese and a piece of chocolate pecan pie, but it was my birthday weekend and I was told I could have whatever I wanted; as long as I take a shitload of Lactaids. Oh yeah, and some chips and habanero and ghost pepper salsa. And some bourbon and beer. Not too smart. I ate and drank like I was 18 and paid the price... Getting even slightly older sucks...

Anyways, I'm going to eat some plain tuna, an egg and a piece of toast and fall asleep early. Birthdays are fun...

(dictated but not read)

Back from Disney World... aka so tired... so, so tired...

I would say I missed you all last week but I would be lying. I was at Disney World. Probably not the happiest place on Earth (an honor bestowed upon Charlize Theron's bed, not that I'd know) but certainly the most inhabited.

I'm so tired. So fucking tired. Disney is not a place for an Asperger's man (or woman). It's fucking overload central. But, I did it. It was fun. Not as fun as it could have been had I known you have to book all your FastPasses like a fucking month in advance or be more famous (saw a few famous people and they did not have to wait, but did sit in the same possibly pee-covered seats we did..)

For the record, my favorite ride was the Lyft ride back to airport. Close second was Thunder Mountain. Even closer third was Test Track. Kudos to EPCOT for actually having French people in the France part (at least for the food stand). Bonus, found out butterflies love MY TEAL "SOME GIRLS" T-SHIRT.

My favorite world was Toy Story Land (see photos below). Probably because it’s the Disney movies I’ve seen more than any other. When my brother was very young, every night before bed we would watch like twenty or thirty minutes of either “Toy Story” or “The Mouse and the Motorcycle.” Like every night. Somehow, probably because my brother is so awesome, I never grew tired of either movie. Still love them both to this day.

Wish I had more for you but bourbon and bed are calling my name. Also, I haven't touched a guitar in over a week so I'm developing the shakes. Or, maybe that's just what happens when I'm around over-anxious kids for a week.. Who knows..

Last thing, shout out to the Hilton Buena Vista Palace as their hotel bar gives generous bourbon pours for an affordable price ($30 including tip for 2 Knob Creeks and a Woodford. Pretty fucking good for a hotel).

Good night...

(dictated but not read)