Sitting here, watching MelonTheFelon PLAY OLD MARIO GAMES ON TWITCH (follow if you like games like Super Mario Bros. 3, Super Mario World, etc.), I can't help but think of... well, nothing; and, that's kind of the point. Turns out I have Meniere's Disease. Yay! Wait, fuck that. Needless to say, not a fun week. I spent most of the week in bed or on the couch listening to the news (so soothing as they have the same stories over and over and over, and, as long as you're not watching Fox News or Hardball with Chris Matthews where they fucking yell a lot, it's easy to fall asleep to needless overanalyzing of everything despite the fact that maybe once in a while we could circle back to some stories like, oh, I don't know, how our fellow countrymen and women in Puerto Rico are doing, how are the Florida/Texas recovery efforts going, why it's so simple for people to buy assault rifles, what's going on in the investigation of the Vegas shootings and what's being done to make sure it never happens again, same with Parkland, etc., you get it). Luckily, I've found some natural remedies for the dizziness, headaches, hearing issues, etc. Otherwise, I would have been more miserable. Miserabler? Sure, that. I get roughly 30-60 minutes every couple hours to try and get anything done before I fill miserabler again. Anyways, since I'm still not 100%, or even anywhere remotely fucking close to that, I don't think I'll ramble on too long tonight. Do have an MRI tomorrow to look forward to...
(dictated but not read)
Monday, March 26, 2018
Monday, March 19, 2018
same shit, different week...
Remember last week when I felt like shit due to my inner ear issue? Well, take that and add headaches, slight vision blurriness, a lack of energy and increased nausea... Going to see a specialist in a couple days. Hopefully, they will have something for me that can help with this bullshit...
Monday, March 12, 2018
You know doctors can't seem to figure out? Bon Jovi cures all...
So, you know when the doctor asks if you are allergic to any medications? Well, I finally get to say "You betcha" in my best Tina Fey-impression-of-Sarah-Palin voice. Not sure I'm excited about this fact but it'll make my (very few) doctors visits more interesting. I am not a fan of doctors. More often than not they just recommend to take some pills and go away. My best example was when I was having repeated extreme acid reflux/ulcers, that were most likely stress and *cough* diet (or lack thereof or something...) related and they told 26 year old me to take a prescription heartburn medication each morning. I said "For how long?" They said "Probably everyday." I again said, "But for how long?" They said "From now on." So, for the next 25-50 years I am supposed to just keep taking drugs that I may or may not need? Needless to say, I was not very kind to them and the whole exchange ended with "Well, do whatever you want," as the doctor walked out the door. I've never taken a fucking heartburn pill since and never had that issue again... Turns out I was right the whole fucking time and cutting back on a few things (alcohol, cigarettes, stress, actually eating something beyond turkey sandwiches, tortilla chips and eggs and, some other things) and I've not had an issue since. I was twice hospitalized with this condition (didn't pay for either trip to the ER's plus the overnight stays. Tip to the young folks, find a private Catholic hospital as they have funding for poor people that come in and let them know you were raised Catholic and feel more comfortable in a hospital that acknowledges the Lord... Trust me, it works...) and I figured it out my damn self. Just like everything else in my life. Doctors rarely give enough fucks to dig deep and figure this shit out.
Which, brings me back to my newfound drug allergy. I have an inner-ear issue I've probably had since I was in my early twenties. I've had degenerative hearing loss in my right ear which started out very slight and now is quite noticeable when compared to my left ear. I used to barely hear a difference and think I was inventing it with my brain but not anymore. It's also coincided with a rise in tinnitus in that same ear. Again, I assumed this was due to many years of playing Rock N' Roll with very few years of wearing ear plugs. Dumb as fuck, I know, but whatever. It makes a difference to me and I can't sing for dick with ear plugs in. I know, I'm not fucking Jeff Buckley with them out (or with them in, bada-bing! Sex joke...) but it makes a difference, trust me.
This inner-ear issue was goddamn Fast and Furious style nitro-boosted after getting in two car accidents last year. Both times I was rear-ended while at a red light and both times dealt with whiplash and a concussion. Concussions are no joke and turns out if you've had one (or four or five) as a kid, they are way worse as an adult. The second one lasted basically three fucking months, and, was timed perfectly with the release of my new album "In My Youth, I'm Getting Old..." so I missed the release and was unable to make any music videos/release singles to promote the record. Not ideal when launching a record but God had other plans, I guess. After reading some more shit on inner-ear conditions like Meniere's disease, turns out whiplash is a common trigger or can aggravate this condition. It most certainly has. I've now seen three doctors for essentially the same issue (clogged ear, balance/vision issues) and one said it was because of an allergy, one said result of a cold and the last one said there's some fluid from an infection that will dry up and I'll be fine, even after I mentioned this is the third time I've dealt with a similar issue in the past year. She said there's a possibility it's Meniere's but it's highly unlikely since it's a rare condition. Well, it's probably a rare condition since I've seen a doctor three times for the same thing and they still haven't even really entertained the idea. They never diagnose it so it's rare. Just like Autism/Asperger's was until they finally started to figure out how to diagnose it. And, even now, I've met at least ten to fifteen people who have never been diagnosed who definitely live on the spectrum.
Oh yeah, my drug allergy. It's a bit ironic that the drug that is supposed to help with dizziness, nausea and vertigo fucks with my eyes (lost my near-sightedness, which is scary as fuck since I'm heavily near-sighted, like almost fucking blind unless things are within four inches of my face with my contacts out/glasses off) and stomach (making me slightly nauseous not hungry) and, just for kicks, gave me a rash on the front and back of my torso. Needless to say, it did not help... I'm currently looking at natural, legal (at least in the NW) alternatives that are supposed to help. So far, the information is promising...
Sadly, both Asperger's and Meniere's increase anxiety and depression. So, in other words, not cool bro. I'm still holding out hope that my ear issues are only temporary, though, based on the past six to twelve months, that is not the case. But, maybe, it could...
Anyways, how about some good news? Well, here you go: we live in a world where a band called Bon Jovi made a record called "New Jersey" which has one of the greatest side-As (side-B gets a little hit and miss...) in the history of the world. I mean, "LAY YOUR HANDS ON ME," "BAD MEDICINE" (fucking Sam Kinison, right?!) AND "BLOOD ON BLOOD" all on one side?? Come the fuck on. How are we supposed to compete with that? Now, while I don't compare women to a heroin habit, I'd argue side-A of "In My Youth, I'm Getting Old..." is pretty fucking good too. "LOOKIN' AT LUCKEY," "LET'S GO OUT TONIGHT" AND "DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY" are pretty rockin' tunes as well. OK, maybe not Bon Jovi level, but some of us don't do enough cocaine for that kind of shit...
Anywhosal, have a great night/day/afternoon, whatever the fuck it is for y'all...
(still not 100% from the vertigo/inner-ear issue so, once again, dictated but not read)
Which, brings me back to my newfound drug allergy. I have an inner-ear issue I've probably had since I was in my early twenties. I've had degenerative hearing loss in my right ear which started out very slight and now is quite noticeable when compared to my left ear. I used to barely hear a difference and think I was inventing it with my brain but not anymore. It's also coincided with a rise in tinnitus in that same ear. Again, I assumed this was due to many years of playing Rock N' Roll with very few years of wearing ear plugs. Dumb as fuck, I know, but whatever. It makes a difference to me and I can't sing for dick with ear plugs in. I know, I'm not fucking Jeff Buckley with them out (or with them in, bada-bing! Sex joke...) but it makes a difference, trust me.
This inner-ear issue was goddamn Fast and Furious style nitro-boosted after getting in two car accidents last year. Both times I was rear-ended while at a red light and both times dealt with whiplash and a concussion. Concussions are no joke and turns out if you've had one (or four or five) as a kid, they are way worse as an adult. The second one lasted basically three fucking months, and, was timed perfectly with the release of my new album "In My Youth, I'm Getting Old..." so I missed the release and was unable to make any music videos/release singles to promote the record. Not ideal when launching a record but God had other plans, I guess. After reading some more shit on inner-ear conditions like Meniere's disease, turns out whiplash is a common trigger or can aggravate this condition. It most certainly has. I've now seen three doctors for essentially the same issue (clogged ear, balance/vision issues) and one said it was because of an allergy, one said result of a cold and the last one said there's some fluid from an infection that will dry up and I'll be fine, even after I mentioned this is the third time I've dealt with a similar issue in the past year. She said there's a possibility it's Meniere's but it's highly unlikely since it's a rare condition. Well, it's probably a rare condition since I've seen a doctor three times for the same thing and they still haven't even really entertained the idea. They never diagnose it so it's rare. Just like Autism/Asperger's was until they finally started to figure out how to diagnose it. And, even now, I've met at least ten to fifteen people who have never been diagnosed who definitely live on the spectrum.
Oh yeah, my drug allergy. It's a bit ironic that the drug that is supposed to help with dizziness, nausea and vertigo fucks with my eyes (lost my near-sightedness, which is scary as fuck since I'm heavily near-sighted, like almost fucking blind unless things are within four inches of my face with my contacts out/glasses off) and stomach (making me slightly nauseous not hungry) and, just for kicks, gave me a rash on the front and back of my torso. Needless to say, it did not help... I'm currently looking at natural, legal (at least in the NW) alternatives that are supposed to help. So far, the information is promising...
Sadly, both Asperger's and Meniere's increase anxiety and depression. So, in other words, not cool bro. I'm still holding out hope that my ear issues are only temporary, though, based on the past six to twelve months, that is not the case. But, maybe, it could...
Anyways, how about some good news? Well, here you go: we live in a world where a band called Bon Jovi made a record called "New Jersey" which has one of the greatest side-As (side-B gets a little hit and miss...) in the history of the world. I mean, "LAY YOUR HANDS ON ME," "BAD MEDICINE" (fucking Sam Kinison, right?!) AND "BLOOD ON BLOOD" all on one side?? Come the fuck on. How are we supposed to compete with that? Now, while I don't compare women to a heroin habit, I'd argue side-A of "In My Youth, I'm Getting Old..." is pretty fucking good too. "LOOKIN' AT LUCKEY," "LET'S GO OUT TONIGHT" AND "DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY" are pretty rockin' tunes as well. OK, maybe not Bon Jovi level, but some of us don't do enough cocaine for that kind of shit...
Anywhosal, have a great night/day/afternoon, whatever the fuck it is for y'all...
(still not 100% from the vertigo/inner-ear issue so, once again, dictated but not read)
Monday, March 5, 2018
Having vertigo whilst driving and Dead Indian Road...
Sitting here, underneath the covers at the Hampton Inn in Kennewick, WA, I'm feeling... fine. After what was the second most harrowing driving experience in the past, I'm still recovering, though, and I'm not fully sure what is wrong other than it feels like I have another concussion but I don't, for once. It's definitely inner-ear related the doctor said, but exactly what it is she was unsure. I have my thoughts and she had hers. I believe it to be Meniere's Disease that is getting worse. She seemed to think the fluid behind the ear drum was a one-off, unrelated to my other symptoms as they weren't severe enough, I suppose. The gradual hearing loss in my right ear, the tinnitus, the fullness of ear that comes and goes and the random hearing/balance losses I've experienced the past five to seven years apparently are unrelated. I love doctors...But, anyways, I'll have to keep this one short as typing on the computer is certainly not helping.
OK. so, the second most harrowing drive this week started innocently enough last night. I was headed to the Tri-Cities area when I stopped for gas. I got out of the car to throw away some trash (you cannot, by law, pump your own gas in Oregon. Which is both convenient and inconvenient depending on your situation) when I suddenly felt a little dizzy/lightheaded. Thought it could be a blood sugar thing, so I ate a couple pieces of beef jerky, drank some water and was on my way. A little while later, I started to feel weird. Suddenly, it was really difficult to concentrate and it fell weird when I moved my head. I thought I was just extra tired from playing a bunch of basketball this weekend, but wasn't sure what was going on. I finally got to the hotel, and as soon as I stepped out, I swooned and nearly fell. I was full on dizzy/lightheaded and started vertigo symptoms. I quickly got up to my room and proceeded to try and stop the world from spinning for the next four hours, in addition to trying to fall asleep. I was nauseous and feeling like fucking shit. I was so glad it didn't get this bad while on the road. It was not great during the drive but the really bad stuff was saved til I got here, fortunately. Easily could have swooned behind the wheel and died, which only made it worse as my number one fear is dying behind the wheel as I miss a turn and drive off a cliff. Which, made my number one most harrowing drive this next one...
Worst drive of the past week: going to Klamath Falls from Medford. It's a drive I've done before but not in the dead of winter. I have a four-wheel drive Ford Escape and am pretty good at driving in the snow due to my Wisconsin upbringing, but we never had mountains and cliffs and unguarded corners leading towards hundred foot drop offs. Not a thing in WI. It was snowing pretty heavily along this extremely curvy and narrow road, which, by the way, is called "Dead Indian Rd." No fucking joke, look at this:
So, there I am, driving like 20 mph and trying not to panic on Dead Indian Rd (for those new to this, I am one-half Native American, so...) as my car slides all over the road and with my brakes are barely worth anything as I drive along. Coming downhill towards a couple unguarded corner/cliffs was not fun for anyone... Luckily, halfway across I got behind a plow and just followed him which helped a lot. Was slow as fuck, but a much easier path for me. So, yeah, snowy/icy conditions on a narrow road with some unguarded corners while driving over/through the mountains (again, my biggest fear in life is dying by driving off a cliff in an uncontrollable car...) was my least favorite thing to do in the recent past. But, I survived, only to have a horrific bout of vertigo not many days later. I wonder if the two are related as stress does make things worse, like my inner ear thing I've been dealing with until yesterday when it sort of cleared up then tried to murder me by giving me a touch of the dizzies whilst driving.
The one thing that is intriguing though, is the fact that I've heard medical marijuana can help with Meniere's disease in addition to Autism. I could regale you with stories of a girl and I who used to smoke to "feel normal" during some very tough times. Times when we had no appetite, took too many drugs and became rather reclusive/co-dependent. The weed made us hungry, social and reduced the massive stress we unnecessarily placed on ourselves to do something great and amazing with our lives. And, it fucking worked! So, we promptly stopped smoking and went back to other things and remained miserable during the limited time we spent together after those days of "feeling normal." But, I won't for now since I'm already starting to feel dizzy again just staring at the computer screen this long... So, bye for now. Hopefully, I can write more later this week.
(dictated but not read)
OK. so, the second most harrowing drive this week started innocently enough last night. I was headed to the Tri-Cities area when I stopped for gas. I got out of the car to throw away some trash (you cannot, by law, pump your own gas in Oregon. Which is both convenient and inconvenient depending on your situation) when I suddenly felt a little dizzy/lightheaded. Thought it could be a blood sugar thing, so I ate a couple pieces of beef jerky, drank some water and was on my way. A little while later, I started to feel weird. Suddenly, it was really difficult to concentrate and it fell weird when I moved my head. I thought I was just extra tired from playing a bunch of basketball this weekend, but wasn't sure what was going on. I finally got to the hotel, and as soon as I stepped out, I swooned and nearly fell. I was full on dizzy/lightheaded and started vertigo symptoms. I quickly got up to my room and proceeded to try and stop the world from spinning for the next four hours, in addition to trying to fall asleep. I was nauseous and feeling like fucking shit. I was so glad it didn't get this bad while on the road. It was not great during the drive but the really bad stuff was saved til I got here, fortunately. Easily could have swooned behind the wheel and died, which only made it worse as my number one fear is dying behind the wheel as I miss a turn and drive off a cliff. Which, made my number one most harrowing drive this next one...
Worst drive of the past week: going to Klamath Falls from Medford. It's a drive I've done before but not in the dead of winter. I have a four-wheel drive Ford Escape and am pretty good at driving in the snow due to my Wisconsin upbringing, but we never had mountains and cliffs and unguarded corners leading towards hundred foot drop offs. Not a thing in WI. It was snowing pretty heavily along this extremely curvy and narrow road, which, by the way, is called "Dead Indian Rd." No fucking joke, look at this:
So, there I am, driving like 20 mph and trying not to panic on Dead Indian Rd (for those new to this, I am one-half Native American, so...) as my car slides all over the road and with my brakes are barely worth anything as I drive along. Coming downhill towards a couple unguarded corner/cliffs was not fun for anyone... Luckily, halfway across I got behind a plow and just followed him which helped a lot. Was slow as fuck, but a much easier path for me. So, yeah, snowy/icy conditions on a narrow road with some unguarded corners while driving over/through the mountains (again, my biggest fear in life is dying by driving off a cliff in an uncontrollable car...) was my least favorite thing to do in the recent past. But, I survived, only to have a horrific bout of vertigo not many days later. I wonder if the two are related as stress does make things worse, like my inner ear thing I've been dealing with until yesterday when it sort of cleared up then tried to murder me by giving me a touch of the dizzies whilst driving.
The one thing that is intriguing though, is the fact that I've heard medical marijuana can help with Meniere's disease in addition to Autism. I could regale you with stories of a girl and I who used to smoke to "feel normal" during some very tough times. Times when we had no appetite, took too many drugs and became rather reclusive/co-dependent. The weed made us hungry, social and reduced the massive stress we unnecessarily placed on ourselves to do something great and amazing with our lives. And, it fucking worked! So, we promptly stopped smoking and went back to other things and remained miserable during the limited time we spent together after those days of "feeling normal." But, I won't for now since I'm already starting to feel dizzy again just staring at the computer screen this long... So, bye for now. Hopefully, I can write more later this week.
(dictated but not read)
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