Sitting here, watching MelonTheFelon PLAY OLD MARIO GAMES ON TWITCH (follow if you like games like Super Mario Bros. 3, Super Mario World, etc.), I can't help but think of... well, nothing; and, that's kind of the point. Turns out I have Meniere's Disease. Yay! Wait, fuck that. Needless to say, not a fun week. I spent most of the week in bed or on the couch listening to the news (so soothing as they have the same stories over and over and over, and, as long as you're not watching Fox News or Hardball with Chris Matthews where they fucking yell a lot, it's easy to fall asleep to needless overanalyzing of everything despite the fact that maybe once in a while we could circle back to some stories like, oh, I don't know, how our fellow countrymen and women in Puerto Rico are doing, how are the Florida/Texas recovery efforts going, why it's so simple for people to buy assault rifles, what's going on in the investigation of the Vegas shootings and what's being done to make sure it never happens again, same with Parkland, etc., you get it). Luckily, I've found some natural remedies for the dizziness, headaches, hearing issues, etc. Otherwise, I would have been more miserable. Miserabler? Sure, that. I get roughly 30-60 minutes every couple hours to try and get anything done before I fill miserabler again. Anyways, since I'm still not 100%, or even anywhere remotely fucking close to that, I don't think I'll ramble on too long tonight. Do have an MRI tomorrow to look forward to...
(dictated but not read)
Monday, March 26, 2018
Monday, March 19, 2018
same shit, different week...
Remember last week when I felt like shit due to my inner ear issue? Well, take that and add headaches, slight vision blurriness, a lack of energy and increased nausea... Going to see a specialist in a couple days. Hopefully, they will have something for me that can help with this bullshit...
Monday, March 12, 2018
You know doctors can't seem to figure out? Bon Jovi cures all...
So, you know when the doctor asks if you are allergic to any medications? Well, I finally get to say "You betcha" in my best Tina Fey-impression-of-Sarah-Palin voice. Not sure I'm excited about this fact but it'll make my (very few) doctors visits more interesting. I am not a fan of doctors. More often than not they just recommend to take some pills and go away. My best example was when I was having repeated extreme acid reflux/ulcers, that were most likely stress and *cough* diet (or lack thereof or something...) related and they told 26 year old me to take a prescription heartburn medication each morning. I said "For how long?" They said "Probably everyday." I again said, "But for how long?" They said "From now on." So, for the next 25-50 years I am supposed to just keep taking drugs that I may or may not need? Needless to say, I was not very kind to them and the whole exchange ended with "Well, do whatever you want," as the doctor walked out the door. I've never taken a fucking heartburn pill since and never had that issue again... Turns out I was right the whole fucking time and cutting back on a few things (alcohol, cigarettes, stress, actually eating something beyond turkey sandwiches, tortilla chips and eggs and, some other things) and I've not had an issue since. I was twice hospitalized with this condition (didn't pay for either trip to the ER's plus the overnight stays. Tip to the young folks, find a private Catholic hospital as they have funding for poor people that come in and let them know you were raised Catholic and feel more comfortable in a hospital that acknowledges the Lord... Trust me, it works...) and I figured it out my damn self. Just like everything else in my life. Doctors rarely give enough fucks to dig deep and figure this shit out.
Which, brings me back to my newfound drug allergy. I have an inner-ear issue I've probably had since I was in my early twenties. I've had degenerative hearing loss in my right ear which started out very slight and now is quite noticeable when compared to my left ear. I used to barely hear a difference and think I was inventing it with my brain but not anymore. It's also coincided with a rise in tinnitus in that same ear. Again, I assumed this was due to many years of playing Rock N' Roll with very few years of wearing ear plugs. Dumb as fuck, I know, but whatever. It makes a difference to me and I can't sing for dick with ear plugs in. I know, I'm not fucking Jeff Buckley with them out (or with them in, bada-bing! Sex joke...) but it makes a difference, trust me.
This inner-ear issue was goddamn Fast and Furious style nitro-boosted after getting in two car accidents last year. Both times I was rear-ended while at a red light and both times dealt with whiplash and a concussion. Concussions are no joke and turns out if you've had one (or four or five) as a kid, they are way worse as an adult. The second one lasted basically three fucking months, and, was timed perfectly with the release of my new album "In My Youth, I'm Getting Old..." so I missed the release and was unable to make any music videos/release singles to promote the record. Not ideal when launching a record but God had other plans, I guess. After reading some more shit on inner-ear conditions like Meniere's disease, turns out whiplash is a common trigger or can aggravate this condition. It most certainly has. I've now seen three doctors for essentially the same issue (clogged ear, balance/vision issues) and one said it was because of an allergy, one said result of a cold and the last one said there's some fluid from an infection that will dry up and I'll be fine, even after I mentioned this is the third time I've dealt with a similar issue in the past year. She said there's a possibility it's Meniere's but it's highly unlikely since it's a rare condition. Well, it's probably a rare condition since I've seen a doctor three times for the same thing and they still haven't even really entertained the idea. They never diagnose it so it's rare. Just like Autism/Asperger's was until they finally started to figure out how to diagnose it. And, even now, I've met at least ten to fifteen people who have never been diagnosed who definitely live on the spectrum.
Oh yeah, my drug allergy. It's a bit ironic that the drug that is supposed to help with dizziness, nausea and vertigo fucks with my eyes (lost my near-sightedness, which is scary as fuck since I'm heavily near-sighted, like almost fucking blind unless things are within four inches of my face with my contacts out/glasses off) and stomach (making me slightly nauseous not hungry) and, just for kicks, gave me a rash on the front and back of my torso. Needless to say, it did not help... I'm currently looking at natural, legal (at least in the NW) alternatives that are supposed to help. So far, the information is promising...
Sadly, both Asperger's and Meniere's increase anxiety and depression. So, in other words, not cool bro. I'm still holding out hope that my ear issues are only temporary, though, based on the past six to twelve months, that is not the case. But, maybe, it could...
Anyways, how about some good news? Well, here you go: we live in a world where a band called Bon Jovi made a record called "New Jersey" which has one of the greatest side-As (side-B gets a little hit and miss...) in the history of the world. I mean, "LAY YOUR HANDS ON ME," "BAD MEDICINE" (fucking Sam Kinison, right?!) AND "BLOOD ON BLOOD" all on one side?? Come the fuck on. How are we supposed to compete with that? Now, while I don't compare women to a heroin habit, I'd argue side-A of "In My Youth, I'm Getting Old..." is pretty fucking good too. "LOOKIN' AT LUCKEY," "LET'S GO OUT TONIGHT" AND "DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY" are pretty rockin' tunes as well. OK, maybe not Bon Jovi level, but some of us don't do enough cocaine for that kind of shit...
Anywhosal, have a great night/day/afternoon, whatever the fuck it is for y'all...
(still not 100% from the vertigo/inner-ear issue so, once again, dictated but not read)
Which, brings me back to my newfound drug allergy. I have an inner-ear issue I've probably had since I was in my early twenties. I've had degenerative hearing loss in my right ear which started out very slight and now is quite noticeable when compared to my left ear. I used to barely hear a difference and think I was inventing it with my brain but not anymore. It's also coincided with a rise in tinnitus in that same ear. Again, I assumed this was due to many years of playing Rock N' Roll with very few years of wearing ear plugs. Dumb as fuck, I know, but whatever. It makes a difference to me and I can't sing for dick with ear plugs in. I know, I'm not fucking Jeff Buckley with them out (or with them in, bada-bing! Sex joke...) but it makes a difference, trust me.
This inner-ear issue was goddamn Fast and Furious style nitro-boosted after getting in two car accidents last year. Both times I was rear-ended while at a red light and both times dealt with whiplash and a concussion. Concussions are no joke and turns out if you've had one (or four or five) as a kid, they are way worse as an adult. The second one lasted basically three fucking months, and, was timed perfectly with the release of my new album "In My Youth, I'm Getting Old..." so I missed the release and was unable to make any music videos/release singles to promote the record. Not ideal when launching a record but God had other plans, I guess. After reading some more shit on inner-ear conditions like Meniere's disease, turns out whiplash is a common trigger or can aggravate this condition. It most certainly has. I've now seen three doctors for essentially the same issue (clogged ear, balance/vision issues) and one said it was because of an allergy, one said result of a cold and the last one said there's some fluid from an infection that will dry up and I'll be fine, even after I mentioned this is the third time I've dealt with a similar issue in the past year. She said there's a possibility it's Meniere's but it's highly unlikely since it's a rare condition. Well, it's probably a rare condition since I've seen a doctor three times for the same thing and they still haven't even really entertained the idea. They never diagnose it so it's rare. Just like Autism/Asperger's was until they finally started to figure out how to diagnose it. And, even now, I've met at least ten to fifteen people who have never been diagnosed who definitely live on the spectrum.
Oh yeah, my drug allergy. It's a bit ironic that the drug that is supposed to help with dizziness, nausea and vertigo fucks with my eyes (lost my near-sightedness, which is scary as fuck since I'm heavily near-sighted, like almost fucking blind unless things are within four inches of my face with my contacts out/glasses off) and stomach (making me slightly nauseous not hungry) and, just for kicks, gave me a rash on the front and back of my torso. Needless to say, it did not help... I'm currently looking at natural, legal (at least in the NW) alternatives that are supposed to help. So far, the information is promising...
Sadly, both Asperger's and Meniere's increase anxiety and depression. So, in other words, not cool bro. I'm still holding out hope that my ear issues are only temporary, though, based on the past six to twelve months, that is not the case. But, maybe, it could...
Anyways, how about some good news? Well, here you go: we live in a world where a band called Bon Jovi made a record called "New Jersey" which has one of the greatest side-As (side-B gets a little hit and miss...) in the history of the world. I mean, "LAY YOUR HANDS ON ME," "BAD MEDICINE" (fucking Sam Kinison, right?!) AND "BLOOD ON BLOOD" all on one side?? Come the fuck on. How are we supposed to compete with that? Now, while I don't compare women to a heroin habit, I'd argue side-A of "In My Youth, I'm Getting Old..." is pretty fucking good too. "LOOKIN' AT LUCKEY," "LET'S GO OUT TONIGHT" AND "DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY" are pretty rockin' tunes as well. OK, maybe not Bon Jovi level, but some of us don't do enough cocaine for that kind of shit...
Anywhosal, have a great night/day/afternoon, whatever the fuck it is for y'all...
(still not 100% from the vertigo/inner-ear issue so, once again, dictated but not read)
Monday, March 5, 2018
Having vertigo whilst driving and Dead Indian Road...
Sitting here, underneath the covers at the Hampton Inn in Kennewick, WA, I'm feeling... fine. After what was the second most harrowing driving experience in the past, I'm still recovering, though, and I'm not fully sure what is wrong other than it feels like I have another concussion but I don't, for once. It's definitely inner-ear related the doctor said, but exactly what it is she was unsure. I have my thoughts and she had hers. I believe it to be Meniere's Disease that is getting worse. She seemed to think the fluid behind the ear drum was a one-off, unrelated to my other symptoms as they weren't severe enough, I suppose. The gradual hearing loss in my right ear, the tinnitus, the fullness of ear that comes and goes and the random hearing/balance losses I've experienced the past five to seven years apparently are unrelated. I love doctors...But, anyways, I'll have to keep this one short as typing on the computer is certainly not helping.
OK. so, the second most harrowing drive this week started innocently enough last night. I was headed to the Tri-Cities area when I stopped for gas. I got out of the car to throw away some trash (you cannot, by law, pump your own gas in Oregon. Which is both convenient and inconvenient depending on your situation) when I suddenly felt a little dizzy/lightheaded. Thought it could be a blood sugar thing, so I ate a couple pieces of beef jerky, drank some water and was on my way. A little while later, I started to feel weird. Suddenly, it was really difficult to concentrate and it fell weird when I moved my head. I thought I was just extra tired from playing a bunch of basketball this weekend, but wasn't sure what was going on. I finally got to the hotel, and as soon as I stepped out, I swooned and nearly fell. I was full on dizzy/lightheaded and started vertigo symptoms. I quickly got up to my room and proceeded to try and stop the world from spinning for the next four hours, in addition to trying to fall asleep. I was nauseous and feeling like fucking shit. I was so glad it didn't get this bad while on the road. It was not great during the drive but the really bad stuff was saved til I got here, fortunately. Easily could have swooned behind the wheel and died, which only made it worse as my number one fear is dying behind the wheel as I miss a turn and drive off a cliff. Which, made my number one most harrowing drive this next one...
Worst drive of the past week: going to Klamath Falls from Medford. It's a drive I've done before but not in the dead of winter. I have a four-wheel drive Ford Escape and am pretty good at driving in the snow due to my Wisconsin upbringing, but we never had mountains and cliffs and unguarded corners leading towards hundred foot drop offs. Not a thing in WI. It was snowing pretty heavily along this extremely curvy and narrow road, which, by the way, is called "Dead Indian Rd." No fucking joke, look at this:
So, there I am, driving like 20 mph and trying not to panic on Dead Indian Rd (for those new to this, I am one-half Native American, so...) as my car slides all over the road and with my brakes are barely worth anything as I drive along. Coming downhill towards a couple unguarded corner/cliffs was not fun for anyone... Luckily, halfway across I got behind a plow and just followed him which helped a lot. Was slow as fuck, but a much easier path for me. So, yeah, snowy/icy conditions on a narrow road with some unguarded corners while driving over/through the mountains (again, my biggest fear in life is dying by driving off a cliff in an uncontrollable car...) was my least favorite thing to do in the recent past. But, I survived, only to have a horrific bout of vertigo not many days later. I wonder if the two are related as stress does make things worse, like my inner ear thing I've been dealing with until yesterday when it sort of cleared up then tried to murder me by giving me a touch of the dizzies whilst driving.
The one thing that is intriguing though, is the fact that I've heard medical marijuana can help with Meniere's disease in addition to Autism. I could regale you with stories of a girl and I who used to smoke to "feel normal" during some very tough times. Times when we had no appetite, took too many drugs and became rather reclusive/co-dependent. The weed made us hungry, social and reduced the massive stress we unnecessarily placed on ourselves to do something great and amazing with our lives. And, it fucking worked! So, we promptly stopped smoking and went back to other things and remained miserable during the limited time we spent together after those days of "feeling normal." But, I won't for now since I'm already starting to feel dizzy again just staring at the computer screen this long... So, bye for now. Hopefully, I can write more later this week.
(dictated but not read)
OK. so, the second most harrowing drive this week started innocently enough last night. I was headed to the Tri-Cities area when I stopped for gas. I got out of the car to throw away some trash (you cannot, by law, pump your own gas in Oregon. Which is both convenient and inconvenient depending on your situation) when I suddenly felt a little dizzy/lightheaded. Thought it could be a blood sugar thing, so I ate a couple pieces of beef jerky, drank some water and was on my way. A little while later, I started to feel weird. Suddenly, it was really difficult to concentrate and it fell weird when I moved my head. I thought I was just extra tired from playing a bunch of basketball this weekend, but wasn't sure what was going on. I finally got to the hotel, and as soon as I stepped out, I swooned and nearly fell. I was full on dizzy/lightheaded and started vertigo symptoms. I quickly got up to my room and proceeded to try and stop the world from spinning for the next four hours, in addition to trying to fall asleep. I was nauseous and feeling like fucking shit. I was so glad it didn't get this bad while on the road. It was not great during the drive but the really bad stuff was saved til I got here, fortunately. Easily could have swooned behind the wheel and died, which only made it worse as my number one fear is dying behind the wheel as I miss a turn and drive off a cliff. Which, made my number one most harrowing drive this next one...
Worst drive of the past week: going to Klamath Falls from Medford. It's a drive I've done before but not in the dead of winter. I have a four-wheel drive Ford Escape and am pretty good at driving in the snow due to my Wisconsin upbringing, but we never had mountains and cliffs and unguarded corners leading towards hundred foot drop offs. Not a thing in WI. It was snowing pretty heavily along this extremely curvy and narrow road, which, by the way, is called "Dead Indian Rd." No fucking joke, look at this:
So, there I am, driving like 20 mph and trying not to panic on Dead Indian Rd (for those new to this, I am one-half Native American, so...) as my car slides all over the road and with my brakes are barely worth anything as I drive along. Coming downhill towards a couple unguarded corner/cliffs was not fun for anyone... Luckily, halfway across I got behind a plow and just followed him which helped a lot. Was slow as fuck, but a much easier path for me. So, yeah, snowy/icy conditions on a narrow road with some unguarded corners while driving over/through the mountains (again, my biggest fear in life is dying by driving off a cliff in an uncontrollable car...) was my least favorite thing to do in the recent past. But, I survived, only to have a horrific bout of vertigo not many days later. I wonder if the two are related as stress does make things worse, like my inner ear thing I've been dealing with until yesterday when it sort of cleared up then tried to murder me by giving me a touch of the dizzies whilst driving.
The one thing that is intriguing though, is the fact that I've heard medical marijuana can help with Meniere's disease in addition to Autism. I could regale you with stories of a girl and I who used to smoke to "feel normal" during some very tough times. Times when we had no appetite, took too many drugs and became rather reclusive/co-dependent. The weed made us hungry, social and reduced the massive stress we unnecessarily placed on ourselves to do something great and amazing with our lives. And, it fucking worked! So, we promptly stopped smoking and went back to other things and remained miserable during the limited time we spent together after those days of "feeling normal." But, I won't for now since I'm already starting to feel dizzy again just staring at the computer screen this long... So, bye for now. Hopefully, I can write more later this week.
(dictated but not read)
Monday, February 26, 2018
No more Olympics... aka no more excuses not to do "music business shit"
Well, the STUPID ASS WINTER OLYMPICS are finally over... So, we have that going for us, which is nice. At least for weirdos like me, who enjoy PROFANITY-LACED, DRUNKEN TIRADES ABOUT WOMEN'S FIGURE SKATING. Yep, same link muthafuckers! I'm still livid about that but my girlfriend has decided she doesn't want to hear me say "Medvedeva" anymore. And, since she's much smarter than I am, and prettier, I'll oblige her because she's probably right that I'm borderline losing it over the Olympics I didn't even want to watch but was tricked into it when SHE, not me, started watching women's figure skating. And I still can't believe what Mirai Nagasu and her bullshit, millennial, lazy, scared, SHITTY COMMENTS AFTER SHE LOST. I don't give a fuck if SHE APOLOGIZED LATER. Doesn't mean a goddamn thing. I would have put her on a goddamn plane and sent her back if she didn't care enough to try. So disrespectful of her coaches, teammates, competitors who worked their fucking asses off so they could compete with someone who cares more about a warm shower than representing herself and her country. And don't even get me started on Tara Lipinski and her bullshit gold medal... Thanks for not getting me started... (sorry this is what my poor girlfriend has endured for like four days now...)
What I really wanted to mention was how hard it can be for a creative with Asperger's to get excited and motivated about doing shitty, boring music business things instead of trying to write my new favorite song or the best lyric or best hook or best guitar riff or best Moog sound or best anything other than doing bullshit-ass boring-as-fuck shit that "should be doing." One of the perks about having money (not a lot but more than enough to waste on music and still be able to drink decent bourbon and get to eat a fucking cheese plate with a bottle of wine when we so desire) is that you can pay people to do the boring shit for you. Only they never do it as good as you could have or as thoroughly or with as much passion or with as much tenacity or, fuck, I wish everyone cared about my shit as much as I do. I can't do it all. I tried. It nearly killed me...
Five years ago, I self-financed MY DEBUT ALBUM "Burn What You Can, Bury the Rest..." (click and scroll halfway down to listen or CLICK HERE AND FUCKING BUY THIS SHIT, you won't regret it). The band was fairly new and we hadn't yet discovered just how goddamn dysfunctional we were. Fuck, were we in for a shit-storm like I never expected...
Good thing that happened during the making of my debut album: I met my future girlfriend, as she sang on "This Old House" and "I am not Afraid."
Bad thing that happened during the making of my debut album: every other muthafucking thing that happened during the making of my debut album...
- Our producer/engineer (and us) got wrecked during the making of the final mixes on Woodford Reserve and good weed because of a bad breakup he'd had (our "discussion" over the use or non-use, I won, non-use it was, of auto-tune notwithstanding. Don't care if it's standard these days). To be fair, the producer/engineer of "Burn What You Can, Bury the Rest..." is the best music partner I've ever worked with. He made us and that record infinitely better than we (probably) were and even sang on "She Will Never Return to Me," in addition to playing organ on several other tunes. He also supported my ban of our drummer from the studio over a background vocal dispute.
- Hearing Brianne Kathleen sing for the first time, on my record... Figured we could just mix it low or cut a bunch out if she sucked but the opposite proved to be true.
- Hearing the "Just Like Jon Fickes" mix for the first time. Fun fact: I was so nervous about this song not living up to the sounds in my head that I had a panic attack, then self-sabotaged and drank all morning then had a second panic attack and passed out, missing the mixing session for this tune. When I finally showed up to the studio, it was already done and I just got to hear it for the first time out of my head (even when we played it live, it was different and more majestic in my head). It was wonderful and mystical and sounded more like my dream version than any other song I've recorded, maybe ever. I'm glad I wasn't there to screw up the mix...
- Banning our drummer from the studio for his petulance over not singing a backup part Brianne CLEARLY sang 1000x better than him. Then, firing the drummer (and the guitar player quitting as a result, they're longtime friends) over disputes (fucking screaming matches) about the mixes, album title, the "Just Like Jon Fickes" song title, Brianne's vocals, the track order, what songs made the final cut and just about every other goddamn decision I made surrounding the album.
- Having to sell everything I owned apart from a free couch and a free bed, my guitars and my boots. I have a lifelong distaste for "Madmen" after season 3 because I had to sell all the DVD's before I even got to watch them... It's hard for millennials but I spent a year or two (who can remember? COCAINE IS A HELL OF A DRUG) without a computer or TV.
- Firing my bass player for trying to create the album art without me, trying to hijack and control the publicist and her message, and basically trying to kick ME out of BRADLEY WIK and the Charlatans since his coke-addled mind knew better than me about how we should display and promote MY album... Good times...
But, I did have the pleasure of playing "The Dark Lovely" for songwriter Jon Fickes at a show up in Seattle and getting to see him tear up a bit with pride and gratitude towards my love of his music. Karl's drums got stolen from his car parked outside the show (he wasn't even playing due to a mishap on a backflip during his Seahawks marching band gig). But, Jon's new album "Closer to a Ghost", under the band name A View of Earth From the Moon, is fantastic and I just got to see him on his tour ending show in Cottage Grove, OR last night. Yes, I'm still fucking tired from the 2+ hour drive there, and back, and the 3 or so hours of sleep I got (the 4+ bourbons/drinks didn't help either. 4 is Favre's number and so that's my number, 4 + or -, a gentleman never tells...). And, we did make good money on the ensuing tours, album sales, digital sales, etc. so I can't complain too much, until we decided to make another record...... (yes, that ellipsis had an ellipsis as that shit is far too fucked up and long to go into tonight) I thought the making of the first record was rough, but I had no idea. Seriously, no idea...
But, I learned a fuckload making "Burn What You Can, Bury the Rest..." and I wouldn't trade it for anything...
(dictated but not read. I'm tired muthafucker...)
What I really wanted to mention was how hard it can be for a creative with Asperger's to get excited and motivated about doing shitty, boring music business things instead of trying to write my new favorite song or the best lyric or best hook or best guitar riff or best Moog sound or best anything other than doing bullshit-ass boring-as-fuck shit that "should be doing." One of the perks about having money (not a lot but more than enough to waste on music and still be able to drink decent bourbon and get to eat a fucking cheese plate with a bottle of wine when we so desire) is that you can pay people to do the boring shit for you. Only they never do it as good as you could have or as thoroughly or with as much passion or with as much tenacity or, fuck, I wish everyone cared about my shit as much as I do. I can't do it all. I tried. It nearly killed me...
Five years ago, I self-financed MY DEBUT ALBUM "Burn What You Can, Bury the Rest..." (click and scroll halfway down to listen or CLICK HERE AND FUCKING BUY THIS SHIT, you won't regret it). The band was fairly new and we hadn't yet discovered just how goddamn dysfunctional we were. Fuck, were we in for a shit-storm like I never expected...
Good thing that happened during the making of my debut album: I met my future girlfriend, as she sang on "This Old House" and "I am not Afraid."
Bad thing that happened during the making of my debut album: every other muthafucking thing that happened during the making of my debut album...
Some Highlights:
- Our producer/engineer (and us) got wrecked during the making of the final mixes on Woodford Reserve and good weed because of a bad breakup he'd had (our "discussion" over the use or non-use, I won, non-use it was, of auto-tune notwithstanding. Don't care if it's standard these days). To be fair, the producer/engineer of "Burn What You Can, Bury the Rest..." is the best music partner I've ever worked with. He made us and that record infinitely better than we (probably) were and even sang on "She Will Never Return to Me," in addition to playing organ on several other tunes. He also supported my ban of our drummer from the studio over a background vocal dispute.
- Hearing Brianne Kathleen sing for the first time, on my record... Figured we could just mix it low or cut a bunch out if she sucked but the opposite proved to be true.
- Hearing the "Just Like Jon Fickes" mix for the first time. Fun fact: I was so nervous about this song not living up to the sounds in my head that I had a panic attack, then self-sabotaged and drank all morning then had a second panic attack and passed out, missing the mixing session for this tune. When I finally showed up to the studio, it was already done and I just got to hear it for the first time out of my head (even when we played it live, it was different and more majestic in my head). It was wonderful and mystical and sounded more like my dream version than any other song I've recorded, maybe ever. I'm glad I wasn't there to screw up the mix...
Some Lowlights:
- Banning our drummer from the studio for his petulance over not singing a backup part Brianne CLEARLY sang 1000x better than him. Then, firing the drummer (and the guitar player quitting as a result, they're longtime friends) over disputes (fucking screaming matches) about the mixes, album title, the "Just Like Jon Fickes" song title, Brianne's vocals, the track order, what songs made the final cut and just about every other goddamn decision I made surrounding the album.
- Having to sell everything I owned apart from a free couch and a free bed, my guitars and my boots. I have a lifelong distaste for "Madmen" after season 3 because I had to sell all the DVD's before I even got to watch them... It's hard for millennials but I spent a year or two (who can remember? COCAINE IS A HELL OF A DRUG) without a computer or TV.
- Firing my bass player for trying to create the album art without me, trying to hijack and control the publicist and her message, and basically trying to kick ME out of BRADLEY WIK and the Charlatans since his coke-addled mind knew better than me about how we should display and promote MY album... Good times...
But, I did have the pleasure of playing "The Dark Lovely" for songwriter Jon Fickes at a show up in Seattle and getting to see him tear up a bit with pride and gratitude towards my love of his music. Karl's drums got stolen from his car parked outside the show (he wasn't even playing due to a mishap on a backflip during his Seahawks marching band gig). But, Jon's new album "Closer to a Ghost", under the band name A View of Earth From the Moon, is fantastic and I just got to see him on his tour ending show in Cottage Grove, OR last night. Yes, I'm still fucking tired from the 2+ hour drive there, and back, and the 3 or so hours of sleep I got (the 4+ bourbons/drinks didn't help either. 4 is Favre's number and so that's my number, 4 + or -, a gentleman never tells...). And, we did make good money on the ensuing tours, album sales, digital sales, etc. so I can't complain too much, until we decided to make another record...... (yes, that ellipsis had an ellipsis as that shit is far too fucked up and long to go into tonight) I thought the making of the first record was rough, but I had no idea. Seriously, no idea...
But, I learned a fuckload making "Burn What You Can, Bury the Rest..." and I wouldn't trade it for anything...
(dictated but not read. I'm tired muthafucker...)
Friday, February 23, 2018
Medvedeva got screwed... aka Yes, I love women's figure skating
It's a goddamn travesty that Evgenia Medvedeva got screwed out of the gold medal. Right? Who's with me? Seriously, how did THIS GIRL NOT WIN?! Her component score was only 2.4 points better than Zagitova's component score? Fuck that. Her component should have been at least 5 points higher. Zagitova saved most of her jumps for the last 30 seconds, well, brilliant bitch, doesn't change a goddamn thing. Medvedeva nailed all her shit (I know, they both kinda biffed a triple in their sets) and it was a ridiculously more artistic skate. I get that the scorers love more technical skating but this is bullshit. Zagitova might have attempted a more technical triple-triple but does that negate the fact that Medvedeva's skate made me feel something? Medvedeva gave me a reason to love the Russian skaters. She made me believe in figure skating again, in the beauty of ice dancing.
I know, I know, I was against Russians in the Olympics to begin with since they were initially banned. I say, ban 'em or don't. But, I agree with the Olympic Committee allowing these girls in as it was my favorite/least favorite part of the Olympics. I tried to give the shitty fucking ass Winter Olympics could win me over, and they did with the ladies winning the Hockey, Vonn winning any medals, and US men's curling being a real thing. But if they are going to reward Zagitova's run over Medvedeva's then fuck the winter olympics and I'll go back to only caring about the summer games (Michael Phelps or no).
Not sure how else to say this but since Medvedeva didn't win, I'm back out on the stupid winter Olympics. Sure, curling is fun and so is the biathalon (a sport the US should win every year, skiing and shooting, come the fuck on) but figure skating is what the world tunes in for. And, the US is fucking shit right now. Nagasu even said it was her audition for "Dancing with the Stars." That's goddamn a disgrace.
Regardless, Medvedeva should have won the gold and I'll never get over that. She got screwed on the component score vs Zagitova. Yes, Zagitova did win the technical score but Medvedeva was clearly the better skater, especially from an artistic level. It wasn't particularly close even though somehow the judges ruled them approx. 2 points apart in that way. Goddamnit, what a fucking travesty. Sorry, I'm drunk and I'm pissed Medvedeva didn't win. Such bullshit. If you want skaters to game the system than brilliant, fuck you. If you want the best skater to win, than you fuck you, you fucked up, assholes... You picked the wrong girl...
(dictated but not read)
I know, I know, I was against Russians in the Olympics to begin with since they were initially banned. I say, ban 'em or don't. But, I agree with the Olympic Committee allowing these girls in as it was my favorite/least favorite part of the Olympics. I tried to give the shitty fucking ass Winter Olympics could win me over, and they did with the ladies winning the Hockey, Vonn winning any medals, and US men's curling being a real thing. But if they are going to reward Zagitova's run over Medvedeva's then fuck the winter olympics and I'll go back to only caring about the summer games (Michael Phelps or no).
Not sure how else to say this but since Medvedeva didn't win, I'm back out on the stupid winter Olympics. Sure, curling is fun and so is the biathalon (a sport the US should win every year, skiing and shooting, come the fuck on) but figure skating is what the world tunes in for. And, the US is fucking shit right now. Nagasu even said it was her audition for "Dancing with the Stars." That's goddamn a disgrace.
Regardless, Medvedeva should have won the gold and I'll never get over that. She got screwed on the component score vs Zagitova. Yes, Zagitova did win the technical score but Medvedeva was clearly the better skater, especially from an artistic level. It wasn't particularly close even though somehow the judges ruled them approx. 2 points apart in that way. Goddamnit, what a fucking travesty. Sorry, I'm drunk and I'm pissed Medvedeva didn't win. Such bullshit. If you want skaters to game the system than brilliant, fuck you. If you want the best skater to win, than you fuck you, you fucked up, assholes... You picked the wrong girl...
(dictated but not read)
Monday, February 19, 2018
Belated posts and apologies... aka I'm an asshole but I'm back...
Fuck. I'm sorry. Goddamn two weeks in a row... What an asshole. Well, yeah and you knew that coming in here. So, it's kind of your own fault. I was doing so well but it's hard to write on a plane when you're tired as fuck and as soon as they announce there is no wi-fi you use that as an excuse to just fall asleep. Which, I realize now doesn't make any sense but that's the beauty of Asperger's: when something doesn't go according to plan it ruins everything, and thusly, I missed a week. Side note though, it's weird that wi-fi on plane in only an invention of the past few years but now I was pissed when I didn't have it because it (not really) screwed up my writing of a blog then watching "CHIPS" as I flew through the skies like our ancestors could only dream of. Jokes on the them, I watched "CHIPS" on my flight home, muthafuckers! It wasn't worth it... I goddamn love Dax Shepard, especially in "Employee of the Month." I know, fucking Dane Cook, right? But, that movie does ring true for anyone who ever worked big box retail, myself included. I didn't have Andy Dick for spot comic relief but we did alright in the humor department. Always thought that would be a great comedy show until I saw "Superstore." But, I guess that just means that I need to kick my story into high gear. Maybe it's time to fuck off this music thing and get to writing... Maybe not yet. But soon, maybe. But, probably not. But, Netflix is buying up fucking everything. But, I'm still too young for that. Or am I?
Anyways, I had to re-up(load) my video to youtube so I'd appreciate it if you CLICK ON THIS OR THE BELOW LINK to watch and make sure this comes up before the old/taken down version on google.
Editor's note: Since I failed in my task of writing this every Monday, this next paragraph is old. Thoughts from the Super Bowl...
Congratulations to THE "FINE" PEOPLE OF PHILADELPHIA on their Super Bowl win. Fucking Nick Foles... That muthafucker just made himself a lot of money, Joe Flacco-style. All it takes is one great playoff run and BOOM some team will regret paying you for years to come... But, he goddamn earned it. I honestly thought the Patriots would win until their was :00 left on the clock. I thought Doug Pederson made some terrific, and ballsy, calls during the game (going for it on fourth down multiple times, including on the one-yard line) and also made some horrific decisions I was convinced would come back to bite him in the ass (the two failed two-point conversion attempts). I was so pissed Collinworth and Michaels weren't making a bigger deal out of the the lost two points which allowed the Patriots to have a chance at the end to tie it with a TD and a two-point conversion, just like last year. I have no clue why they were points-chasing and fell into the two-point death spiral which was completely unnecessary with so much time left in the game. I know Pederson loves to be aggressive and it, somehow, didn't come back to bite them in the ass but I really thought it would. Either way, lackluster performance by both defenses and Justin Timberlake. JT did... fine. It was good and he had a cool stage setup but without bringing Janet Jackson back out which would have been his "holy shit" moment, the whole performance was good but not memorable. He had a chance to go down in history by bringing Janet back to reference the moment that changed live broadcast TV forever and he played it safe. Congrats on being the performance I'll forget in the near future just like... well, all the performances in recent history not including BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN CROTCH SLIDING AND SLAMMING HIS DICK INTO AMERICA IN HD and, I don't know, maybe U2's performance way the fuck back in 2002. Get it together NFL and Pepsi and get some good shit for us again... Boo...
OK, old shit over.
Holy shit, "The End of the Fucking World." That's it. What a show. Show recommended and show loved. Touche Netflix. You've done it again.
It contains some of the most fucked up moments apart from THESE ON BOJACK when BoJack confronts a friend who's dying and almost sleeps with the underage daughter of a former crush. Man, is there anything on TV better than BoJack? The answer is no. BoJack is the greatest show since Arrested Development and we'd probably be saying "since Seinfeld" if not for BUSTY'S "HEY HERMANO." Sure, THIS RICK AND MORTY MUMFORD AND SONS JOKE COMES CLOSE but doesn't quite reach the heights (or depths) of Mr. Horseman. So it goes...
If you couldn't tell, it's been a fucked up week. Things have been good but that doesn't really mean much to someone suffering from Asperger's and depression who probably drinks too much and LOVES TINY RICK AND ALSO LISTENS TO TOO MUCH ELLIOTT SMITH. Bonus points for Rick and Morty. I may be "getting too old for this ship" but I still enjoy a solid funny/depressing reference, especially one referencing suicide. Whoa, that shit's dark. Sorry, y'all. But, wait til you GET INTO THIS INTERVIEW WHICH I'VE BECOME OBSESSED WITH. It's been eye-opening and comforting. The openness during this interview is mind-blowing. Music is not for the well-adjusted...
I apologize for not being present during these past couple weeks, but it's been harder for me than you, so fuck off. Anyhow, I'm hungry and tired... I know after two weeks you were looking for something grandiose and exciting but this is what you get. So, goodnight, y'all...
Anyways, I had to re-up(load) my video to youtube so I'd appreciate it if you CLICK ON THIS OR THE BELOW LINK to watch and make sure this comes up before the old/taken down version on google.
Editor's note: Since I failed in my task of writing this every Monday, this next paragraph is old. Thoughts from the Super Bowl...
Congratulations to THE "FINE" PEOPLE OF PHILADELPHIA on their Super Bowl win. Fucking Nick Foles... That muthafucker just made himself a lot of money, Joe Flacco-style. All it takes is one great playoff run and BOOM some team will regret paying you for years to come... But, he goddamn earned it. I honestly thought the Patriots would win until their was :00 left on the clock. I thought Doug Pederson made some terrific, and ballsy, calls during the game (going for it on fourth down multiple times, including on the one-yard line) and also made some horrific decisions I was convinced would come back to bite him in the ass (the two failed two-point conversion attempts). I was so pissed Collinworth and Michaels weren't making a bigger deal out of the the lost two points which allowed the Patriots to have a chance at the end to tie it with a TD and a two-point conversion, just like last year. I have no clue why they were points-chasing and fell into the two-point death spiral which was completely unnecessary with so much time left in the game. I know Pederson loves to be aggressive and it, somehow, didn't come back to bite them in the ass but I really thought it would. Either way, lackluster performance by both defenses and Justin Timberlake. JT did... fine. It was good and he had a cool stage setup but without bringing Janet Jackson back out which would have been his "holy shit" moment, the whole performance was good but not memorable. He had a chance to go down in history by bringing Janet back to reference the moment that changed live broadcast TV forever and he played it safe. Congrats on being the performance I'll forget in the near future just like... well, all the performances in recent history not including BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN CROTCH SLIDING AND SLAMMING HIS DICK INTO AMERICA IN HD and, I don't know, maybe U2's performance way the fuck back in 2002. Get it together NFL and Pepsi and get some good shit for us again... Boo...
OK, old shit over.
Holy shit, "The End of the Fucking World." That's it. What a show. Show recommended and show loved. Touche Netflix. You've done it again.
It contains some of the most fucked up moments apart from THESE ON BOJACK when BoJack confronts a friend who's dying and almost sleeps with the underage daughter of a former crush. Man, is there anything on TV better than BoJack? The answer is no. BoJack is the greatest show since Arrested Development and we'd probably be saying "since Seinfeld" if not for BUSTY'S "HEY HERMANO." Sure, THIS RICK AND MORTY MUMFORD AND SONS JOKE COMES CLOSE but doesn't quite reach the heights (or depths) of Mr. Horseman. So it goes...
If you couldn't tell, it's been a fucked up week. Things have been good but that doesn't really mean much to someone suffering from Asperger's and depression who probably drinks too much and LOVES TINY RICK AND ALSO LISTENS TO TOO MUCH ELLIOTT SMITH. Bonus points for Rick and Morty. I may be "getting too old for this ship" but I still enjoy a solid funny/depressing reference, especially one referencing suicide. Whoa, that shit's dark. Sorry, y'all. But, wait til you GET INTO THIS INTERVIEW WHICH I'VE BECOME OBSESSED WITH. It's been eye-opening and comforting. The openness during this interview is mind-blowing. Music is not for the well-adjusted...
I apologize for not being present during these past couple weeks, but it's been harder for me than you, so fuck off. Anyhow, I'm hungry and tired... I know after two weeks you were looking for something grandiose and exciting but this is what you get. So, goodnight, y'all...
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